She watched people around her, the ones who say they are friends. everyone is over for dinner....
Everything comes to a slow motion as she looks at the faces around her this very night.....the way their voices sound, the way their moths move when they talk, their very motions in conversations, and the very look in their eyes when they look at her...these are not her real friends.....
She goes through her days smiling, putting that oh so happy face on for everyone, all forced phoney happiness.....
She hears the words of superficial love spoken to her by the one who claims to love her...his words are empty to her...after so many years of pain with him, he tries to convince her things are okay... But they are not, it will never be okay, never can be...he knows she is lost to sadness inside and tries so hard with his words to convince her not to feel that, but no words can ever change the darkness inside that consumes her.....
She looks out the window during the day...how blue the sky is... The way the sun shines across the sky, the way the trees dance in the gentle wind....
Come night fall she gazes at the lights of the city...how the glaze their radiance in the darkness, how the dark sky around them make them so bright...she steps out and sits on her balcony and takes a sad breath, smelling how sweet the night air is...how the moon sets it's glow above her....
Something deep inside her just tells her she just does not want to be here, it's time to go....she can no longer bear the weight of this world...nothing anyone can say or do can change what is telling her inside....
So consumed with the darkness of depression half her life it's been a constant battle...the hard loneliness that devours her...she has lost her will...fight to keep it.. Weakened just to give in....
deleted deleted
26-30
4 Responses Aug 23, 2014

I have found that others only temporarily brighten our lives. Often we get too taken away by diversions, and become disappointed. We really have to learn how to get along with us first and the rest is just a bonus. People will always disappoint us to degrees

You do care because otherwise you wouldn't be here seeking help. You are seeking help by reaching out with your words. Every moment passes. Today is not how you felt last week. It will not be how you feel next week. Find a new path, a new journey start from scratch. It's scary yes, but shouldn't we try and fail untill we find what's right for us ? I am in a bullshit situation myself and I'm married and I'm still going to try. I lost my job, my marriage 90 percent of my money, and I'm still excited to see what else is out there. I've been in the dark it's not a nice place as I'm sure you know. There is still time. Other ppl don't have time. Make it worth it x

Start with the little things. Small footsteps one at a time. Write it all down write your feelings even it it's just a sentence at a time get it out of your body don't carry it around with you like excess weight. Start today start right now. It could be looking for a new place to stay it could be looking to move some finances to a safer place. It could be get your own bank account, sell some items for extra cash, could be just going out and viewing an apartment.

I agree! Find your true love and go for it! Hold him and enjoy life!

You should leave your bf and find new friends. I feel that way but without the friends and bf.

Divorce him

Your better off having no friends than a lot of friends who don't like you. It's the same with love.

I'm divorcing mine. Know that your not alone there are so so so many ppl out there in the same boat. Suffering in silence waiting for the strength to make the next move.

You'll feel so free and happy afterwards :)

I'm really happy for you :)

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