Nothing is greater than having to endure over 2 years of being suicidal and going through it all one AND COMING OUT OF IT ALIVE. (I wish people did support me though. If you have supportive friends/a supportive family, then good for you :) )
You deserve to feel proud for making it as far as you have. You've held on when you didn't want to. Well done. That's courage to me.
electriccloud electriccloud
18-21, F
2 Responses Aug 31, 2014

• Needs Food It Gets Strong By The Promises Of God
• Needs Hearing Environment Ish 11;12
• Or It Will Chew On The Negative- Invest In The Mind
• Need Pictures Turning Goals Into Picture- Self talk Conversation- God’s World Contains Faith Needs Protect The Mind -Its Fragile -Have trouble With Mind,
• Mind Keeps Track -No Body Sees What You Experience
• Feed On psalms 119, 91 37 Wash The Mind, Absorb We Succeed With The Mind, A Focus An Instruction, Judas And John Has The Same Mentor
• We Can Have A Relationship With God But Not Through The Law.
• Talk Your Way Out, Sow Your Way Out A Walking Ware House Of Seed- by the words bought to us from heaven. Jesus bought it to us. it Leaves The mouth And Goes Into The Future.

He cant hold you, Christ bought you back.

Hello electriccloud, I also have been suicidal (though longer than two years) and am here too. Unfortunately I don't feel very pleased about it. I wonder each day and night why I am still here. I am isolated and feel I no longer have anything to contribute. Does this make me a coward?

I'm sorry to hear you've been suffering for so long. :( I know how bad two years is, I can't even begin to imagine how awful this pain must be if it goes further. I remember having those feelings as well. I don't think you're a coward at all. I think it's really strong of you for being able to fight off the poison in your mind for so long...two years is a damn long time to be suicidal, and you've clearly been dealing with it for a longer time, so I think you've been putting up a good fight against it. I know that it's easy to feel like you have nothing to contribute, but there are plenty of good qualities people have which just aren't recognised by jobs are whatever. The little things can change people too. The way you made someone smile one day, when you stand up for someone on a train who *really* needs a seat, the way you make a small child laugh, when you're nice to waiters as restaurants...these are plenty of things which have HUGE impacts. I don't think they get recognised enough, and I think you would've done at least one this month...the list isn't nearly as long as it should be either. You could be a loyal peer, a friendly person in the neighbourhood, the guy in the family who asks nice questions to the kids. I don't think anyone recognises how valuable these kind of people are. But they're VERY important. And I think you just might be one of them. :) I'm sorry to hear that you feel isolated, it must be hard on you. Please stay strong. You deserve better. Better will find its way to you.

First, thank you very much for your kind and sensitive reply. You gave me a different perspective in regards to how I am fighting the 'good fight'.
I think I may have understated my isolation and situation.
It is not unusual for me to be totally alone for six months at a stretch other than medical visits. I am a well mannered and well educated man who has plenty to offer, if only there were some takers ; )
I recently volunteered to teach computer science and art in the town I live in (free of salary of course) but because I am disabled, and not permitted to drive, the placement folks stated that I was "unfit" as a potential volunteer. I do all the little things you mention and always have.
Your words are most encouraging and I will let them sustain me for as long as possible electriccloud. You show compassion that is hard to come by these days.
My best wishes - Paul

Aw, I'm glad you're seeing your fight against what's trying to hurt you in a different light. :) I really hope that you DO see how strong you are, because I think that what you're doing defines courage. It sucks that people stigmatise it so much, and make suicidal people feel weak and selfish for going through these emotions, but look, you've made it so far! You deserve credit for that, you really do!
Hahaha, you do come across as well-mannered, and I don't doubt that you'd be well-educated :)
That's really sweet of you to volunteer like that! I honestly can't name a single person I know who'd be kind enough to give up their time like that, free of charge, just to educate people. Honestly. Your intentions are good, and I hope you never forget that. That really sucks that they knocked you off the list for that :( You didn't deserve that at all, in my opinion.
Paul, you really do come across as a lovely guy, and I wish you could see that, if you haven't already. I know I've said this, but you deserve better. It's unfortunate that you have to go through what you're enduring. But you're so strong, and you keep fighting off each day which tries to take you down, and honestly, I see that as inspiring. :)
I'm glad you feel encouraged. You are really sweet. :) I hope things end up super swell for you. Have an amazing day, Electra <3
P.S. If you ever wanna chat, I'm happy to talk to you. You've got a heart of gold.

It's you that has the golden heart and generosity of spirit Elecktra.
I would love to chat with anyone at just about anytime. As you may be able to tell from my previous replies, I have pleeeenty of free time ; )
As for intent, I have a favorite quote which says it all;
"Hell is paved with good intentions, not with bad ones. All men mean well."
George Bernard Shaw
I apologize for the delay in reply - I'm glad I received the notice that you had posted here. . .

Hahaha, that's fine Paul. :)

2 More Responses