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Constant Battle

I can't remember when it started, but I remember being young and not understanding why I was so different from the other kids. I wasn't social. I was always alone. To this day I can be in a room full of people and feel out of place and alone. I feel in a constant "funk". Medication and Therapy has kept me from "doing myself in" but I still struggle to find good in a day.
simchick simchick 22-25, F 14 Responses Oct 24, 2007

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@simchick: I feel similar. I've been on drugs, seen 6 doctors in 2 years, and nothing has helped. Like you said, the only effect has been that so far I haven't done myself in. The worst is, anyone who knows tells me it's my own fault because I "have to decide to get better." OOOOKay.

Like you, I always feel in a funk. But my friends LOVE me. Why? Because I'm an awesome liar. I smile a lot. I always have positive things to say. I listen to their problems & never share my own. I'm the happy girl. But I pretend to be because I know what they do to anyone who has a problem. If you have a problem it MUST be your fault. You're damaged and unworthy of companionship. So lie-lie-lie it is.

Or have they told you yet that since you're young you should just wait it out? I mean, really? So if I had cancer at 18 instead of depression, would they tell me to wait it out, see if the cancer will go away?

I just wanted to thank you for saying what, until now, I've been too afraid to say.

I understand exactly where you're coming from

I feel the same. Every day, I think about suicide. I feel like am emotional time bomb. Things are good right now, but I think that it could all blow up any time.

So many things you all have said ring true for me. I often think I'm the only one feeling this way, sure am wrong. Hope we all find the 'magic' something we need to feel better, to feel normal - whatever that is. It seems my therapist is the only one I have who actually cares about what I say.



Hugs to all of you, let's not give up, regardless of how futile it seems. I hope someone reminds me I said that occassionally.

I am grateful for your encouraging words. We are all in this thing together, but most of us spend so much time worrying about our own problems that we forget how much other people are struggling. It's just so hard sometimes to keep my head up and take on the world, even a day at a time.

I can remember being a kid, and thinking I wasn't even part of the world my own family was in. I started suicide from the time I was 13 until about 4 years ago. I have a good husband but now on top of the depression I struggle with intolerable pain. I suddenly realized that 4 years ago I do have something to give.. Not only to my pets, but to kids who don't have anyone to love, to people who frown. I found that even though I hurt, I have the ability to look at others and smile and make others happy.

I believe you can look into yourself and find that redemable value, you have lots of love otherwise you wouldn't stay for your pet. You can write to me anytime. I will be there. There are those of us who understand and care unconditionally. It doesn't matter what or who you are, you are cared about.

I can totally relate.... I have always felt that way myself. Different from the rest... like I'm "of a different world" (my own). I am depressed, lonely, unhappy every single day of my life. I have little or no real friends. I have had lots of job and money issues and the longer it goes on, the less I like myself, let alone life. My pets keep me going, because sometimes I think my own child doesn't care if I live or die.

I can totally relate.... I have always felt that way myself. Different from the rest... like I'm "of a different world" (my own). I am depressed, lonely, unhappy every single day of my life. I have little or no real friends. I have had lots of job and money issues and the longer it goes on, the less I like myself, let alone life. My pets keep me going, because sometimes I think my own child doesn't care if I live or die.

There are days when I feel like maybe I can get through it. But even lately I find myself crying myself to sleep. I'm not alone in my bed but I may as well be. I feel like I'm a waste of space in this massive universe. I truly have no purpose.

Right their with you stoped my meds do not like the way they make me feel I am still around because of my dog when he is gone game over.

i still feel the same. i have had depression for 3 years. i have a boyfriend who's always busy at work and uni and he's the only one i have in the world. my friends deserted me,they didn't understand why i was how i was.

Sending you big hugs. I know how difficult this can be.

I also struggle.

i used to .. i began practicing finding out how i feel about being me and who i am to me .. n then practicing being me .. im stil practicing .. im guessing its continuous ..



it duz get easier ..and the stronger u know n believe in urself , the easier it becomes .. i also developed my relationship with God .. n am glad .. coz He definitely assists with the perception of life , reality , people , existence , continuation , behaviours , etc etc .. tunz .. its quite v wow amazing really .. but its also personal so slightly difficult to express even ..

I pray that you find your place in the world. I know how you feel just take it one day at a time. I do and it's working so far.

What exactly do you mean by "taking it one day at a time"? It sounds so simple up front, but I think it has to run much deeper to be effective.