How Much Worse Could It Be?

Anyone else who has my problems would have killed himself long ago. I am homosexual, and suffer from a unipolar disorder, an eating disorder, and a sleep disorder. And I have a partner who only makes me feel more lonely.

My survival can only be due to either (a) the indomitability of the human spirit, or (b) the worst kind of gross stupidity. Take your pick.

waynerman waynerman
56-60, M
9 Responses Oct 25, 2007

well,i can certainly relate to your post, let me tell you my story. i was 27 getting married and going to get my master's degree when all of the sudden i started having strange symptoms til one day i collapsed and was rushed to e.r, i was totally unable to move or walk yet they found nothing on for another year until my husband divorced me, my best friend left me, i was alone and sick and noone could fix it. 4 years later and i was bedridden and sleep deprived to almost dying with no cure in sight for two years no one called or talked to me, i even shut off my phone because i had no use for it, I'm bedridden/housebound, cannot take care of myself, i lost everything including my health, but I'm still here and never giving up! so don't give up on yourself. and know someone else is suffering more than you are, it could "always " get worse so be grateful for what you do have.

I wonder how I've survived all these years myself. I think its b/c I keep holding on to faith and hope; hope that I will be happy one day, hope that someone will see me for who I am and love me (best friend or boyfriend), hope that I won't always feel so worthless. I also think Im afraid of my soul going to hell if I hurt myself; silly perhaps. <br />
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It sounds like you are going through a lot. Other than this site, do you have any support? Friends, family, co workers or an outside support group to attend?<br />
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It also sounds like maybe even with medical treatment, you still suffer pretty badly. Do you suffer from these disorders equally? Is one more manageable than another? <br />
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It is also human nature to keep the company of people who do not deserve ours, out of loneliness, societal and peer pressures, and biological clocks. What would be the difference if you were physically alone vs. physically with him (not sexually, but in the same space)? Would the loss be so great? You didn't mention wanting to end the relationship so I am not trying to convince you to. I know people get comfortable with each other and lose the strength and energy to leave, change, or grow. I hope you are able to work it out with him, if that is what you want. You really do deserve to have a true, spirirted, and healing kind of love, we all do. Once you believe that as well, perhaps this strength will filter into other areas of your life.<br />
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Please take care of yourself.

I"m hopeing you feel better..I suffer from ptsd so i understand a bit what your going thru.But to truly understand I would have to be in your shoes..All I know is that your pain is real and living life is very hard to do..Please hang in there...I,m floating in the same boat, or at least one realy close to yours..<br />
I wish you well, and peacefullness..and a good harty laugh..

my prayers and thoughts go to you waynerman. I suffer from depression and I'm sorry that you got so many things that are affecting you. if you need someone to vent to or just to talk, my inbox is always open. feel free to send a message.

Um, excuse me, but I did not say that homosexuality is a disorder. If you actually read what I wrote, I referred to a unipolar disorder (depression), a sleep disorder, and an eating disorder.

Hey. I'm a dyke. You shouldn't consider your sexuality a disorder.<br />
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The Gay Men's Chorus of LA sings it best in their version of True Colors. I suggest you listen to it.

Thank you for your comment. I am still here, so I guess I keep finding ways to go on. I hope that everyone finds what they are looking for.

i know what its like to feel as though your problems are the worst in teh world but i promise you that htere is somone out there who has it much worse. there are people to talk to and support groups. there are millions of people with those same disorders. you are not alone. i suffer from bipolar depression and an anorexia. life is not easy but thats what makes the good parts of it so worth while.

I am sorry that you are struggling. Sending you big Hugs.