Lonely All The Time

I haven't had a friend who will just call me up and stay in touch for a very long time. I tried making the effort with some friends but it is never reciprocated which makes me feel like a loser. Then starts the downward spiral of depression and anxiety. Then when I finally do see them in my depressed state, I  feel like they are looking at me like I am a basket case, and I start to think who wants to be around a basket case, so I try to mask the problem. It is a bad cycle that has repeated itself for years.  As well, when I am depressed I push my family away because I don't want to be a burden to them. I just want people to know how sad I am because of loneliness and depression. I want to feel healthy again. Will this ever be a possibility, or am I conditioned to always act this way and attract people who are clueless about depression and all that goes with it?

qtcry qtcry
26-30, F
3 Responses Feb 13, 2010

I am losing it! This has been going for over 3 years and getting worse. Lost my best friend ( my mother, Separated from a drunk husband who threat my life. Two heart attacks, 5 days appart, lost my job over this,lost my medical ins.at the most difficult time of my life spent 21/2 months living in my car.Now 3 years laterwith125.00/month disability to live on, I am getting evicted from the shed I have lived in the past close to 3 years now. How much more can I take? I don't eat, hardly clean up. Don't care to go out to see the sun light, don't have any family left, I was along time Professional, independent, now I don't have 2 quaters to rub to together to buy a newspaper! How can anyone clean up a mess like this, I don't have the ressources nor the energy? If this world is going to end, now would be a good time!<br />

Same problem here. Trying to talk to them, but they would just ignore.

It can be a very vicious and emotionally and physically draining cycle. You feel you are being a "burden"to your family. That is not true! I did the same thing only to realize that they in return were hurt I didn't share this with them, like the old saying "if you can't tell them who can you tell" Naturally not all families react the same or the way we expect or want. Just letting someone else know is a start. True "friends" are hard to find, leave your options open and don't worry when someone walks away as that is a sign of their problem, not yours. They might not know what to say, feel pressured and walk since no words come to mind, areafraid of saying something hurtful or have other pressing problems with which they are struggling and have reached a point that they need to distance themselves to resolve their issues first. What we percieve as rejection may in fact be just bad timing or a not meant be hook-up to start. Withdrawing into yourself may be a safe,learned reflex, but actually the first step onto the downwards spiral. There are people out there, I am here, for what that's worth, I'm not running away. The cycle has to be reversed, even if it it requires baby steps. If you stop reaching out, you'll never touch anything or anyone but close up like a vault. Let some fresh air in and try taking a step. Remember "a journey of a million miles starts with but a single step" My hand is out.....