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I Don't Understand Why So Many Bad Things Happen To Me? Do I Bring It On Myself?

I'd like to share a list with you - a list of things that hae been happening and let you decide if I'm doing something wrong because this is getting out of control - every day something terrible happens out of the blue - you won't believe it could all be happening to one person in such a short space of time...

I have been depressed for over 10 years now - I was diagnosed for the first time ten years ago (when I was 19) and began seeing doctors, getting medication, taking it for a while, not taking it when I couldn't make myself go back to the docs, moving home alot and going to new docs...etc etc.



I know this hasn't been conducive to getting on top of my illness but it's just worked out that way. The things is I cannot seem to get any doctor anywhere to seriously try and give me a proper diagnosis. They always give me the same pills (citalopram or cipralex) and yet I don't feel like I fit the mould properly for standard depression.



I have depressive phases, where I am utterly useless. I can't sleep or I sleep all the time. I don't eat or I eat a ton of junk. I dont want to talk to anyone so I push people away and then I goo out and desperately want to conect with strangers. But these episodes don't actually last that long - they can become fairly prolonged and go into months but that is quite rare.

 

I am usually fairly good at hiding my depression because you simply cannot be open and honest with the whole world or you'd spend all day explaining your problems and wouldn't feel better so I find it easier to just struggle through without most people knowing. And when I'm feeling ok I'm a bit crazy - I love to go out and I know I tend to drink too much at times because I feel so hyperactive and happy and I don't want the good times to end . I feel so happy and try to sort out everybody elses problems and I'm sure I can achieve anything I want, and then suddenly I get down again. It isn't gradual it always happens in an instant - something just triggers me off and then I am in a depressive episode and I cannot see the way out and hate myself and often think of suicide as my only option.

 

So there's the background to my depression...now I know that depressed people always see the bad side of things and focus more on the negative things but I want you to look at this next list and be aware that I am consciously trying to include both the positive and the negative things because I am really starting to believe that it is impossible for so many bad things to happen to one person unless they bought it on themselves...it's just too much right now - almost every day something bad comes out of the blue and hurts me and I am really starting to believe that nothing good will ever happen again. I'm not kidding here - this list is unbelievable



  • I leave my violent partner of 3 years - I have no money, no job, no home. no witnesses to domestic violence so i walk away with my broken bones and start again - leaving him with everything and me with nothing.


  • I struggle through months of no money and sleeping on my sisters floor and eventually get a place at a martitime training university to train for being a marine engineer and get paid for it. I am in a relationship with a man who lives near my sister.


  • I start maritime college and my partner dumps me within 2 months even though I see him every weekend and we speak several times a day on the phone.


  • I Eventually meet someone else and shortly after I meet him I dislocate and fracture my arm in multiple places. I cannot do any coursework or exams and dont get enough sea-time in that term.


  • We move in together with his brother - they fall out and he goes back up to live in glasgow temporarily and I am stuck down here homeless - i move into college.


  • I have stacks of coursework and exams from this year and last year combined - I ask for assistance but the college won't help and they say I shouldn't have come back as i had too much to catch up.


  • I find out the support staff didnt fill my form in correctly whilst i was off sick (with my arm - couldn't participate in practical lectuers etc so for insurance purposes i had to not attend) the consequences of this are that I have to pay £50 per exam and piece of coursework as they will technically be re-sits, even though I never took them in the first place because the staff didn't know how to complete the circumstances form. this will be about £600...


  • I am still homeless and as soon as I have sea time again (about july) i wont be able to stay on campus and have nowhere to go - my stuff is in a friends garage so I have hardly any clothes or books or anything with me.


  • My partner is still in glasgow and until he gets some money he can't come back down but i send up alot of my allowance to help him survive.


  • My violent ex has just contacted me - we have been in occasional contact but this time he's just discovered he has a month or two to live and I am devastated - he was sucessfully getting off the drink and had admitted the things he'd done and was getting so much better and I thought I was just starting to heal over that part of my life by remembering the good times instead of the **** times and then this happens and nobody understands how i feel - my family are being very callous - i understand that they don't like him but surely if I am upset then they should support me no matter what the reason is instead of cutting me off and making me feel bad for being upset.


So lets recap - I have nowhere to live - my stuff is in a friends garage and some of our valuable things - like the furniture to set up on our own - are still at my fiances brothers house - my family dont support my depression, they say I should just cheer up and that nothing is wrong - they are not talking to me now because I said I was upset about my ex dying - I am grieving for him already and living under a cloud knowing and waiting for him to die - my lovely new partner is homeless (living with his daughter) and jobless and 500 miles away from me - i'm snowed under totally with so much work that I spend all day after lectures and most nights until ten pm in the library.

I failed one piece of coursework already this year because of overwork and stress and i just freaked out and couldnt get it done on time - i begged for more time but didnt get it. Another piece is borderline fail and I'm hoping I'll pass - I have two weeks lessons and revision then two weeks easter break and then a week of exams and the I get hit with all my first year exams sometime after that so there is no respite.



It has all happened in a about a year but in reality this last few months have been the ones where everything has piled on top of me with jim being away and so much work and the bad news and getting kicked out of his brothers etc.



So what about the good things?

Well I found a lovely boyfriend - but he then left me so that isnt really a good thing because I dont have happy memories - just hurt and pain.

I found another lovely boyfriend who proposed on christmas day - thats good



I got a good mark in one half of one of my exams (74%) havent taken the other half yet

Thats it - no nice days - I didnt get anything for valentines day or my birthday - not even a card or a handwritten note. I never get letters to college and nobody calls me. I get the occasional text from my sister but she gets upset that I stay in college because I have work to do and can't afford time off or finacially afford to get the trains and taxis etc to get to her.

Oh I won a £5 on a scratchcard the other day too.

 

When will something good happen - its just an interminable round of sadness and bad things and I just want a few good things to happen to to balance it all out or I feel like whats the point of living when things just keep getting worse and worse.

 

I think maybe I need to do things to make good things happen but nothing works - I take a night off and go out, I call or email or text all my friends to stay in touch but never get much response back as they all live so far away and we never see each other anymore, I stay in the library all night working and then go to the cafe/bar after just to remain social for an hour, I get out of my room and go for a walk at weekends or go to the gym before I do more work.



I'm not being a hermit but still I just wake up every morning wondering what sad news I'l' hear today.

 

 

 

 

 

wherehashappinessgone wherehashappinessgone 26-30, F 11 Responses Mar 11, 2010

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I know this is over 4 years old and I hope you have all had good news. I joined this page because I have been solidly asking myself 'why are all these bad things happen to me?' every day.

All my life I have had it really difficult when other people just kept getting good news.But after trying to change my luck during my studies in architecture, it just got worse. I studied super hard during uni and only got a 2:2. During my final year, both my godfather and nan died. I had to have counselling because I could not sleep at night and was paranoid that something bad would happen to my other grandparents. You see I moved to England by myself from Canada and I got no one here for me.

My parents struggled to pay my expenses and I had to get various part time jobs that lead to me going from work to uni and from uni to work as well as working 14 hour shifts whilst studying at the same time.

My so called housemates and best friends had a Facebook chat behind my back where they talked very badly about me and my family and would spend the entire day criticising me there. I accidentally found this conversation as I was trying to find a song I sent to my housemate on her facebook profile chat.

My very expensive room in our flat got so mouldy I got various health problems and had to go home for 3 weeks to recover. The flights were so expensive but I had nowhere else to stay. The landlord not only did not do anything about it, but he also took half of my deposit to replace the carpet that got mouldy too.

I went on a relationship with someone who appeared like a right catch and then ended up being a bully. He emotionally abused me, called me ugly, fat, useless. Lied to my face on various occasions and even on my birthday where he came out with me and then disappeared 10 minutes later to go out with his friends. I never got a birthday card, cake or gift. I broke up with him and tried to change my luck...

I was not overweight to begin with but his words made me think I had loads of weight to lose which made me anorexic. I was so traumatised by that relationship that I started going out and getting drunk several times a week. I knew i was being stupid and spent the very little money I had the wrong way, but I had no one for me there and it was keeping me from buying food and gaining weight. I would go days without eating and would only have a couple of drinks every other day to keep me going.

I met someone shortly after I broke with my ex who seemed God-sent. I was head over heels and he was really religious which made me think he would be a good person.

I kept looking for jobs but I couldnt find one. I ended up working 2 hours away and had to spend 4 hours a day commuting whilst all my wages went to my tickets. The place I worked was very dirty, had no insulation (the desk would be icy in the mornings), was in the middle of nowhere and no one cared. I was bullied by all the laddy men and I was sexually harassed by two of them. My boss was there and didnt do anything. I kept looking for jobs and although I did really well at interviews and even got a couple of jobs, they would not hire me in the end because they had no work.

My best friend (who I forgave after the Facebook incident) sabotaged my interview with her architecture firm by telling them I was going back to uni to do my Masters in September. Which was a lie at the moment. It did end up motivating me to apply for a masters course in Oxford uni where I was offered a place at.

For a year I was just about able to maintain myself and not ask for any money from my parents. My relationship with my dad went down the hill despite the fact that I was independent.

My boyfriend became extremely controlling and jealous to the point we would argue about the most stupid things every other day. He controlled my clothing, speech, made me stop going out entirely. (I had stopped all the going out by the time I met him anyway). He also made me stop talking to any friend I had. He checked my phone and social media on a daily basis despite the fact we lived together. He even made up stuff like texts he swore I deleted that I never received in the first place. He made me feel cheap, shallow and promiscuous every day.

During summer when my job finished, I had to get three jobs to be able to sustain both of us. I worked 14 hour shifts 4 days a week and 8 hours a day the rest. He paid no rent in my house (which was £500 a month) without bills and council taxes), spent all of our money on weed and never provided anything. Our arguments became worse after the first year and the minute I moved to Oxford. He broke up with me over the fact that I wanted to put my number on an email to my group so we can meet in uni for our assignment during the second day of term. Our arguments were so unreasonable and insane I started losing my patience and therefore they became extremely intense because I started debating his points. He started become slightly violent (nothing extreme to be fair but still). I loved him with all of my heart and turned myself into a hermit to make him happy, with no success.

My dad broke his ribs and could not go to work and my mum has to fund my studies. My mum also lost her job because of the economic crisis in Europe and struggled to send me money. I am really worried about paying all my expenses.

These are only a few bad things that have happened to me recently. I have lost my faith and dont know what to do. I have been trying really hard to be a good person but it doesnt seem to work... I really believe in karma so I am trying to be better everyday.

I don't know why bad things happen to good people! I feel like I have been constantly punished over the last few years/months, and feel that I must have done something very terrible in a past life for God to punish me and my family in this way.<br />
Briefly - I was diagnosed with breast cancer 3 years ago, so had to have a mastectomy. Thankfully, I am well now, but had to go through chemo and radiotherapy, and have just had reconstructive surgery, so am recovering from that. <br />
Earlier this year, my 16 year old son was diagnosed with testicular cancer and had to have an operation to remove the cancer. He turned 17 a couple of days after the procedure, and it all happened whilst he was in the midst of his A level exams. We were told after the op he wouldn't need chemo as the op had got rid of all the cancer cells,, however, after coming back from a hospital check up today, we have been told that there appears to be cancer cells in his blood now, and he will more than likely have to go through chemo and lose all his hair, which he is very upset about. It's heartbreaking being told your child has cancer. We are told the prognosis is good for a full recovery, but it's still a very worrying time.<br />
Also, my 18 year old daughter has just been diagnosed with anorexia and has just gone into an Eating Disorders Unit for up to 6 months. She weights under 6 stone, and it is a battle trying to get her to eat. Hopefully, she will get the help she needs in the EDU, and come out OK at the end of it, but it wont be easy for her. <br />
At the moment, I feel that life's a *****....... nothing good seems to happen to me and my family. <br />
I don't like to moan, as there are people with lots of bad things to cope with. I try to stay positive. You just have to carry on and get through the bad times. I am a survivor. Things can only get better....... God willing. It doesn't seem fair that some people seem to go through life with no troubles, and others have such a hard time of it. That's life, good or bad, you just get on with it and cope the best way you can.

See above

I totally get it. My luck is twice as bad the past lifetime. Feal lucky your not me. I'm sitting in a semi in Miami sweating cause my boss won't give me fuel to idle. And wants me to get rid off my dogs n pay him 600 a month to work here. My cars been in the shop for 2 months n even when they do fix it I don't have the money to get it out. I got HUD assistance to rent an apt. But after work I have no way to get there. That's just one week. It gets better. Trust me.

My Friend,

You allow your emotions to over-rule what you instinctively know is not good for you. The net result is an ongoing series of bad decisions. At some point, this happens to many people. It does not mean you are bipolar, as one commentator stated. Ignore that. It does mean that you need support making better decisions for yourself. Awareness alone usually is not enough. I encourage you to seek out free 12 step programs, such as Codependents Anonymous, in your area, or to seek out older & wiser mentors....perhaps a neighbor you admire, perhaps someone from an organization you admire, etc. I would also encourage you to put aside romantic/sexual relationships w/ men until you have repaired your self-esteem and have developed healthier living/decision making habits - which will require an investment of time. Do not sell your dreams and long term goals for immediate gratification of your desires. Tame the negatives inside of yourself...which will be difficult but can be achieved one day at a time.

Remember that no matter what, there is always more right with you than wrong. Self discipline equals freedom & strength. Good friends strengthen you. Weak friends weaken you. Remove yourself from those with problems. You have enough in dealing with your own.

Mostly, remember to build a support system from those who have their lives together. Let your ex-boyfriends/abusers find someone else to rescue them. You can still love them AND let them go.

Best Wishes,

A friend.

I know this is old, but it might reach other people in similar circumstances. You have what we call in America Bypolar Disorder. You must get treated for that. Citaloptam or the medication only help with depression. You must take your medication as prescribed as it takes from 3-6 weeks to take effect. If the medication doesn't work ask for a different one. There are plenty out there. I had to try five or six different medications until I found a combination that worked. Sometimes you need more than one. You are using your relationships as therapy and that never works. I hear the UK has good medical insurance. If one doctor or therapyst dont work for you, find somebody else. Good luck and you obviously have what it takes. Suicide is NEVER an option.

I know this is old, but it might reach other people in similar circumstances. You have what we call in America Bypolar Disorder. You must get treated for that. Citaloptam or the medication only help with depression. You must take your medication as prescribed as it takes from 3-6 weeks to take effect. If the medication doesn't work ask for a different one. There are plenty out there. I had to try five or six different medications until I found a combination that worked. Sometimes you need more than one. You are using your relationships as therapy and that never works. I hear the UK has good medical insurance. If one doctor or therapyst dont work for you, find somebody else. Good luck and you obviously have what it takes. Suicide is NEVER an option.

I know this is old, but it might reach other people in similar circumstances. You have what we call in America Bypolar Disorder. You must get treated for that. Citaloptam or the medication only help with depression. You must take your medication as prescribed as it takes from 3-6 weeks to take effect. If the medication doesn't work ask for a different one. There are plenty out there. I had to try five or six different medications until I found a combination that worked. Sometimes you need more than one. You are using your relationships as therapy and that never works. I hear the UK has good medical insurance. If one doctor or therapyst dont work for you, find somebody else. Good luck and you obviously have what it takes. Suicide is NEVER an option.

It seems to me that you invited everything that came upon you

Maybe i can give a piece of advice that i should also follow. Be cynical and pretend, just try, be crazy in another way. Just think things differently. I'm also feeling bitter towards life. Don't care is the most important thing. Don't let things affect you let them take their course. Always try your best and if you don't get what you want, just let it be, next time you'll. But always try to be and have the best. About everything else, just don't care, if you care too much it will affect you.

xxx

Don't you just hate it when people say look on the bright side; or if you just looked more positively on things it wouldn't be so bad? In other words when bad things happen these days, its easier for others to say, aahh, it must be something you have done, some failure in you. Don't listen to that crap. From what you've said, you have had bad things happen to you, and that would drive anyone nuts. When bad things happen we jump from blaming ourselves to blaming the bastard that did it and back again to ourselves for "letting it happen". This then leaves us feeling shell-shocked and terrified of making the same mistakes again. When bad **** happens, we feel bad. If our windows were bricked, we would buy metal cages, so why do folk criticise when our lives are bricked and we batten down our mental hatches? You are keeping going, driving yourself hard and you have balls girl. Get yourself your best pal and a bottle of wine and talk talk talk to figure out what you really need right now. Best wishes xxx