Being Straight Is Never Easy

You know it's hard when you mask demons with demons. I started doing drugs in the late 60s early 70s, and quit in April of 2008. When I first started doing them I just did it take the edge off. You know I start off like everybody else did, smoking a little weed, pot, or whatever you want to call what. It made me feel good, I didn't have to think about all the screw ups I made. I didn't have to think about those who I hurt. Oh yes oh yes I heard many people, physically, emotionally, and in many other ways. I carried those demons and I still do. When I first started doing drugs, I found out that the feeling I got drove the demons away, even if just for a few hours. As time progressed the habit got worse. Instead of smoking one or two days a week, I was doing it almost every day. I got involved with harder drugs, acid, amphetamines, and cocaine. It was great, I had plenty of energy, I lost weight, I can stay awake for days. I could drink and not pass out, and the feeling was great. I didn't have to deal with the demons, but little did I know that I just filed demons on demons. I was actually, killing myself to forget. It eventually got to the point, where was robbing houses, stores, pocketbooks, and anything else I could get away with to support my habit. I alienated my family, my friends, and someone I love very deeply but still I didn't learn. Towards the end, I got involved in crack. I loved the high, the euphoria in the rush. The only problem was it didn't last long enough. It's one of those drugs were the more you do the more you want. As a matter of fact it almost killed me. In 2006 I had a major heart attack, I know now the cause was too much crack, it messed up my heart and my life. I finally reached my breaking point in 2008 when I just couldn't go on anymore. I quit doing drugs, except what is prescribed by doctors. All the drugs I did when I was younger now are catching up with me. I have to take drugs to survive. I still have a lot of demons, the worst demons I deal with our depression, and family alienation both of which are brought upon myself and have no one to blame but myself. I fight these demons every day, as well as the demons of illegal drugs in the years to get high. I know that it's a battle, so far I'm one up in the fact I keep my sobriety. It's a struggle with a struggle I have to deal with sometimes moment by moment. No matter how hard you demons are, the struggle to keep them away never ends.
jlewis3555 jlewis3555
56-60, M
Sep 20, 2012