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Wife and I Both Filed In January 2009
Apr 16th, 2009
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F
iling for bankruptcy has got to be the most humiliating experience of my life.
There are lots of reasons why my wife and I filed. We bought a few things we didn't need, but mostly I have been unable to find steady employment. I quit jobs I didn't like, spent too much time unemployed while looking for work.
More recently my wife became ill and was forced to leave work. She's better now but with the current economic climate she's been unable to find work for months now. I have a decent job but being the sole wage earner is difficult.
I'm glad we filed. No more phone calls. We're learning to adjust to our new circumstances.
The one thing that bothers me the most is the lying and covering up I have to do. I can't tell my parents what happened because they will both have heart attacks and probably die. They dislike my wife and thought I would be more successful at my age (29) than I am. Being an only child is like that. I'm too embarrassed to tell my friends - but on the other hand I want to so they realize why I've turned into a hermit and stopped socializing. Going to pubs and sporting events is something I can't do anymore. I'm running out of excuses. Then again I don't want to burden them with my problems.
One friend just had his first child, the other just left on a big once-in-a-lifetime vacation to Europe. I see how their lives are going right now and I just drop my face in my hands and think "That could have been me." I can't buy tickets to see my favourite band on tour because I have no credit cards right now. Little things like that are so frustrating.
My wife is in a deep depression because she can't find work. We want to start a family but her health is not up to par and we have no idea how to support a child financially at this time. Maybe 2-3 years from now. Problem with that is my wife is 32 and feeling her biological clock tick away - that only adds to her depression.
The only real positive aspect of our lives is that we live in a house (we rent it from a friend) and live in a nice neighbourhood.
It's just so difficult seeing younger family members and friends buy houses and live comfortably off of one-income with small children running around. Makes you think "Why couldn't we do that?" "Where did we go wrong?" After our bankruptcy is over we'd like to buy a house but that could be at least 3-4 years away. Is it possible to get a mortgage sooner? With the current economic downturn I have no idea. Another question is "Do we want to raise a family in a place we rent and not own?" Although it's nice it doesn't feel like ours. So many questions.
Filing bankruptcy has brought up many issues it's overwhelming at times. It's difficult to process them all.
Some days I want to scream at my bank "I'm bankrupt, okay? I can't sign up for a credit card and I can't start an RSP or tax-free savings account because I have no money okay? Get it!!! B-A-N-K-R-U-P-T!!!!"
We want to see the light at the end of the tunnel - we know it's there - but for some reason we're still skeptical. Hard to explain.
If anyone has similar circumstances or feelings I'd like to read them. Good to know we aren't the only ones. It feels like it sometimes.
Regards,
- Canucklehead22
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  | Posted Apr 20th, 2009 at 5:10PM I'm sorry for your troubles but you are not alone. At least you are young enough to recover from this setback. My husband and I will be filling for bankruptcy in about six weeks. He got laid off and he is 68 years old. It's hard to find employment at that age unless you want to be the greeter at walmart. We will be losing our home which is paid for. Thank goodness we do have some IRA's and 401's that are protected so we will be able to recover somewhat. Once you do get back on your feet again, you should max out your IRA's and save for the future. Our parents always told us that but we lived for the here and now until about 10 years ago when we started contributing to our retirement. We wish we had started sooner since that money is protected.   |
 | Posted May 30th, 2009 at 12:04PM Don't worry. I was 37 when my husband & I had our 1sr child. And I was 39 when we had my second. Get financially situated first. AND do NOT buy tickets to concerts anymore unless you have the cash. That's my advice. Good Luck! |
| Posted Aug 10th, 2009 at 8:28PM You guys have a wonderful opportunity to start over again. And the fact that your marriaged survived this bankrupcty filing indicates that you are a stong couple. Able to weather any storm. Take the steps to get yourself finanically on the right track: learn to save (start small and watch your savings grow), check out worker retraining, as your wife is unemployed, start a business, and find a new job. Focus on maintaining your good health. Eat well and excercise. That increases fertilty in women. No smoking, heavy drinking or drugs. Do not despair that children are not in the picture. Get on your feel first regarding money. I am 34 today, filed for bankruptcy and like you want children. My doctor says that children are the last thing, I have to worry about! As for telling your parents: explain your sitatuation when you are ready. Accept and let go of the fact that they may not understand. Some parents do not. You are the adult in your life, not them. You and wife made the best decision for your circumstances. It is done. As for your friends: Honestly they do not need to know. Just explain that you are saving for your new house. And as for that new house: Getting a mortgage depends solely on two things: The amount of money you put down, normally 20% to 30% and your credit score. As you have never had a mortgage before your bankruptcy should only affect the intrest rate charged on your loan. But, hey that is in three to five years. Work hard at saving, repair your credit score, take what you can get from the banks and plan to refiance into better mortgage terms down the line. Look in jobs that are with a union, in a city, county or federal government positions. They offer the best benefits. Ideally, the more traning and schooling you get, the higher rate of pay in your future. But, and I want to caution you on this: Learn to save. Learn to live below your means. Eric Tyson writes a wonderful, easy read book on finances: It is called Personal Finance for Dummies. He also wrote a book called Mortgates for Dummies. Go to a libray and read them. This website is a basic tool to learn how to build wealth: http://www.dallasfed.org/ca/wealth/pdfs/wealth.pdf And, it is free! Above all, do not be hard on yourself you guys really tired and circumstances beyond your control spin your world. You made the hard decision, now start over and learn to live a little more responsibly. You guys are young enough to do so. In five years, kids will be in the picture and you will be in your house. Good luck! |
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