The First Cut Is the Deepest

My high school love was my first ever male best friend, until then, all my friends were girls.  I didnt fancy him at all when we started hanging out, but then we started dating and I slowly grew to love him.  He ditched me after a few months. 

This was 15 years ago.  

I was always haunted by the fact that he'd met someone new shortly after our break up, and often fantasized how things could have been different, or how I could have made him feel as low as he had made me feel at the time. Over the years I've been in several relationships all varying in length and intensity, but I was still traumatised by my High School romance. I soon dismissed it and forgot about him, although the fantasies would still surface now and then. 

After my most recent breakup (which was my decision), I realise now that my first love had meant no harm but his feelings had changed thats all.  I remembered the good times we shared and how he HAD loved me more than a friend, a feeling which took me a long time to reciprocate.  I also realised that no matter how briefly, he DID love me and that the break up must have been devastating for him too, but I was so upset I never spoke to him again. 

I regret that I turned my back on my best friend when he needed me the most, but although its taken me all these years, I am definitely over it now, and I will always wish him well, wherever he may be.

Carmel1 Carmel1
31-35
Mar 22, 2009