My Guilty Pleasure

I love my husband, and am faithful, however, my guilty pleasure is knowing other men find me desirable. In particular, I have a crush on a much younger friend I only know online. Since we are many time zones apart, I guess we mutually let the flirting go pretty far.

Tonight I was feeling down about not feeling very desirable to my husband, and was probably happier than I should have been to hear from my friend. He's also military, on leave, and not surprisingly was quite drunk when he called. Not for the first time he told me, only half teasing, "If only ya weren't married."

Now we both know neither of us will ever cross that line, but it is damn nice to have my ego stroked by an incredibly fit soldier, ten years my junior, who has a southern boy drawl and loves the fact that I drive a stick. It feels so nice to be desired and have my ego stroked, even if that's the only part of me he'll ever touch!
AloneInHawaii AloneInHawaii
31-35, F
7 Responses Jul 11, 2010

Well, your profile pic is from one of my all time favorite movies, so ya must be cool. ;-)

Thanks for your comment. I am especially grateful that my husband is so understanding, and that he is supportive of me having friends I can count on emotionally when he is gone.

Thanks. Last year when my mom visited, she refrained from commenting, but I could tell she was perplexed about my relationship with this guy. I didn't go into great detail, but I could tell she was just a little uncomfortable with the frequency and legnth of my conversations with ."this stranger" and that was the first time I realized how "untypical" an intimate, opposite-sex relationship is... especially when you are married! <br />
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I think she was also uncomfortable that I was "too happy" when he called and placed a high priority on taking his calls. The thing she did understand was listening unconditionally when a friend needs a shoulder. He was dealing with issues you might expect come from spending too much time in a combat zone... hell, how much time is ok to spend in a combat zone anyway? In the context of being a friend and doing my civic duty, she was more comfortable with it. I found it interesting that there seemed to be some distinction in her mind between me "being there" for him, compared to me having an inappropriately close male friend. To me, being close is a prerequisite to being ABLE to really be able to support someone emotionally, especially reflecting on life and death.

It is so nice to have someone you can confide in for sure. I believe that intimacy has nothing to do with sex, although it makes it better, but we can have intimate relationships with others that does not involve sex. Your husband loves and trusts you and your judgement, what a wonderful thing to have. When you trust your partner, there is no need for jealousy. Jealousy is such a horrible emotion and often manifests itself as fear and anger. Honesty goes a long long way, and most people never reach that point in what they consider an intimate relationship, which is a shame. People often judge others by their own actions and intentions, mostly their jealousies and fears. For you to tell your family would indeed be a mistake. Why should you have to defend yourself to others. There is no need to tell others as long as you and your husband are ok with it, it is no one elses business. <br />
For a long long time I was just like them, I didnt understand what intimacy was, and I worked very hard to be comfortable with myself, it is not an easy thing to do. Today I live by the principle that ---what others think of me is none of my business--- I know that other people are going to judge me within their own limits so why should I open myself up to their judgements. So as long as I know, my partner knows and the Creator knows, it is no one elses business.<br />
Don't throw a good thing away to please others, that wouldn't be being true to yourself.

I agree, Helmsman. Society certainly draws it's boundaries about what is "acceptable" but in real life, things are more complex. My husband is not threatened by my close friendship with a younger man, despite the occassional sexual tension, and flirting. So I don't feel guilty about it. <br />
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This friendship developed when both my friend and my husband were deployed. My husband had spoty internet access on the ship, while my friend had (mostly) consistent access in the desert. When I needed to talk about things I couldn't take to my sisters, I could could turn to this guy, since I couldn't talk to my husband. I feel very appreciative that my husband's attitude was supportive from the start. He was glad I had someone in whom I could confide, talking about anything, and was happy that I was developing a close friendship with this other man to assague my lonliness. I am so grateful that he was happy about it, rather than prefering I struggle even more with the loneliness in his absence. <br />
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However, I would not revel the nature of this friendship with my family because I don't feel like defending myself to my parents or my siblings. I think they are much more traditional, and would not understand why my husband doesn't have a problem with it. I think they would say that he "should" be jealous.

we all desire to be wanted and needed. Society has a warped set of rules on how we can do that and often times, people who are unable to get that feeling use false pride to put down other people who do. (false pride = putting other people down to make themselves feel better)<br />
As long as you are honest with yourself,, you have nothing to fear or feel guilty (in any sense of the word) about and every thing to gain. It is nice to have friends who make us feel wanted, needed and loved.

hth13.... lol. I agree.<br />
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Mark... I used the phrase "guilty pleasure" in the sense that it is a selfish, hedonistic indulgence. Maybe it's something society says one "should" feel guilty over, like eating dessert first, or paying too much for satin sheets. Something along those lines. It is something in which I indulge myself, fully knowing others would disapprove... and I don't care. Or like a beer at 2 in the afternoon on a Tuesday... not an everyday indulgence, but I'm (sort of) enjoying it today since I'm off work. <br />
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The one person whose opinion counts is fine with it. My husband knows about my little crush, our mutual attraction, and the flirting. He has even talked with my friend on the phone, and they have exchanged a few emails. I don't keep secrets from my husband... hummm. Ok, I don't keep secrets of significance from him, lol. He doesn't need to know all the health food ingredients I slip into the chili or spaghetti sauce. I don't show him what I write on here, but he knows about the site, and I would share if he asked.<br />
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So.... I don't feel guilty. I'd be amused to know if other people think I should. One interesting caveat. My "young" (he's 21) friend's mother seems somewhat suspicious of him being friends with a married woman he met online. I don't know what she thinks specifically, but I do know when he asked me to get him a t-shirt from Hawaii, his mom didn't want him giving out his address to a "stranger". That kind of took me aback since we had been texting or talking five or six times a week for more than four months by then. Guess I would be worried about my son meeting a creepy Mrs. Robinson if I was in her place. In addition to flirting and joking around, we have both been reliable shoulders for each other to cry on, concerning very serious life events.... death, religion, fidelity, marriage, contemplating parenthood, ect. I suspect that she has no idea the depth of our serious conversations, because they are often about things we choose not to bring to our families for what ever reason.