Going Outside Changes My Mind

Not really related to cbt, but today i feel like my post before this one doesn't apply anymore. because i went outside. being in other people's company in real life,and i haven't been in weeks, apart from being with my family, reminded me that i can be a real person who is friendly and actually cares about people. it's easy for me to think that being social like that was actually just a lie or illusion if i've been inside pretty much nonstop for weeks. and then i feel bitter about other stuff like being academically behind most people my age and having an extra 5 or 10 pounds, and, i guess i'd end up with worse feelings and thoughts if i was reclusive for any longer, but luckily i have never been in a situation where i was at home for months on end, because i had school (though i withdrew there while on prozac) last year,  and now i have a place to go (every weekday if i want) near home with people who have/have recovered from mental illness who are very kind (so i'm not as afraid of people anymore). i love it there. Going out to talk to people reminds me that being social isn't the most logical thing - you can be negative and think of lots of excuses to stay away - but it's feelings, feelings you can't get from anywhere else, feelings that make life worth living. God's gifts. i realize that with real depression and other problems it can be not enough sometimes. if i needed help with problems like that i could talk to these people i meet. there's people everywhere to help with problems, but anyway, sorry, i don't really have the right to talk about things like that because i haven't experienced them. i think i haven't felt much in my life so far..but right now i believe that that's because i haven't socialized as much as i should have. but i believe i have the potential to become a real person, maybe much more quickly than i thought. (i had feelings as a child anyway, but they're long forgotten because i've a bad memory for things like that). i don't define my life right now as innocence, because it seems like if that then it's an ugly innocence. i don't know if i can fit in anywhere on EP since expressing some of the bitter feelings i have because everyone on ep (i estimate) experiances much more pain than me. but if you don't mind, i'll look at your profiles and read your experiences anyway because it gives me little virtual glimpses of what real life is like and that's helpful lately when i feel angry or bitter over nothing. after writing this i forget my reason for doing so. i just felt like i should express that i can be normal enough (i guess) irl after an adolescence of prozac induced social isolation and while being on seroquel, because my other post is negative, and experiences are worth sharing in case someone 2 million miles away might be able to relate (why don't i think it's likely that anyone else on earth has ever been in such a dull situation? hmm) also wanted to say i think cbt might eventually be possible for me, if i ever should need it. I'll keep the group though because i'd still find it impossible right now. maybe it's potentially possible for everyone though. it seems like a good therapy
karatesquirrel karatesquirrel
18-21, F
1 Response Jan 16, 2013

I have no idea what cbt is.
I've gone through depression though, and began to understand what having a social life is and can mean as well.. I've had lots of time to think.

btw cool name