Betrayal Of Trust

     Trust...we all have our own thoughts on what makes us able to trust someone. Some people believe that you should trust a person from the time you meet them until they prove untrustworthy, while others believe that trust is something that has to be earned. No matter how you base putting your trust in someone, we all know how much it hurts when someone we trust and care for breaks that bond.

     For me, trust isn't something I give freely or easily, but something that grows over time. It  hasn't always been like that, but I've learned by experience that sometimes people have hidden agendas that rule their behavior and because of these past experiences, I've become cautious. 

      In essence, trusting someone is a form of giving up some of the power over your life to another person. Trusting in another person gives them the ability to cause you harm in nearly every aspect of your life- physically, monetarily, in reputation and especially emotionally. Trust is , however, a necessary part of our lives.

      Even though I don't trust easily, there are people in my life, as with everyone, that I trust to keep me safe. By that I mean I can tell them anything, I can be 100% honest and be who I really am without the fear of them laughing or turning their backs. Admittedly, there aren't many that I feel this way about, and today there is one less. The loss of that trust is the reason I'm writing today.

     Being let down by someone you trust is hard in many respects. It touches more of your life than just the one small portion where your trust was betrayed. When someone you believe in and care about does something that causes you to rethink the basis of your whole relationship, be it friendship or more, you have to stop and consider how many other times you may have made this same mistake, or worse yet, with how many other people that you've trusted. The deceit or betrayal by this person makes you mistrust your own judgment and  gives you reason to be distrustful of other decisions and choices you've made. This is especially true when the person that has betrayed you is your spouse or significant other.

     The actions of the person that has caused your distrust has given you cause to wonder how much of what they have said and done over the course of your relationship has been true and exactly when the deceptions began. Has the relationship been based on love, like the person has always sworn, or was that just another means to an end? What will the future hold in regard to this person that you've cared about and thought you knew so well? Their actions have taken away a large portion of what a friendship, as well as love, have as a foundation. 

      Without trust, everything you have ever believed in relation to this person, and the part they play in your life, becomes suspect. You have no way of knowing where the truth ended and the deception began and how can you know what the future holds for the two of you when you don't REALLY know if the past was what you thought it to be, or just the "reality" this person wanted you to believe?

      Ultimately, there are no hard, pat answers or cures for a life that has been damaged by someone's betrayal of trust. The person can swear and make promises but that doesn't "fix" the damage that's already been done. Deciding what is important, how much lasting impact this betrayal will have on your future relationship depends on just a few things: 

1) The other person's willingness to try to make amends

2) Your willingness to allow them to TRY to make amends


3) How much you are willing to risk losing if the other person breaks your trust again.

     The decision is never an easy one, and often filled with "what ifs" and "maybes", but the decision to trust, or not, is wholly based on the one who has been harmed. No one can make the choice for you, and there is no way of knowing just how things will work out in the end. You just do your best and follow your heart, because life gives no guarantees. If you feel that you can afford to take the risk, then you give them another chance, but if you feel the behavior will never change, it may be better to cut your losses and walk away. 

     As for me and my situation, I haven't decided yet, but I know that I love him and my life is better today because he is in it and that's a pretty good place to start.

imacamarogirl2 imacamarogirl2
46-50, F
1 Response Feb 22, 2010

I have two friends who I care about deeply. They have been married for over 26 years. Two days after his birthday, he found out she had been cheating on him. He has decided to work on the marriage and I am supporting him the best that I can, but inside, its tearing me apart. She hasn't owned up to her affair and he's just going threw the motions. He'll sit there and as soon as he remembers his eyes tear up. And what gets me is that shes playing the victim. Dont get me wrong, he did ignore her but he never broke his vows. Everytime he's been approached by any women, he tells them that he is happily married. How do I help him???