Its Hurting Me

How do you give people in your present and future a chance at trust when everyone from your past has done nothing but break that trust?  Its so hard, when all you've heard are lies, lies about who they're with or what they're doing, when people talk bad about you, say mean things to you, cheat on you, prefer drugs over you etc... It's so hard for me to let one person have all my trust.  I can't begin to even get the one person to understand why all the past problems are currently affecting me.  Why is it that people automatically assume that they have your trust 100% when.. I thought it was to be earned not so easily given and those you give to so easily just run with it and break it.  Am I wrong for being uneasy about situations (even simple ones) that I am struggling with, by not giving out the complete trust? 

ilovefrogs ilovefrogs
2 Responses Mar 21, 2009

How can you trust the unknown, when you have been hurt do many times before. How do you know that the person you are with is so different. How do you get to the point where you trust unquestionably? Why am I made to feel that I am the bad person for letting what has happened before effect me. I have only facts to talk about, not a hypothetical. I want nothing more than to trust to be confident that the man I love will never hurt me. Help?

[hugs].. I was pretty much exactly where u r now about 4 or 5 months ago. Down to the drugs, lies, etc. This hurts - really deep. I won't tell you that I still don't hurt sometimes when I think of it - but it has gotten less, and doesn't last as long. <br />
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Everyone wants to be trusted - but you are correct. People need to earn our trust. I will never give my trust blindly or without effort again. This is a boundary that I created. Also - start with a small item - share with a person. If they keep your trust, open up a little more, then more, etc. <br />
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Also - remember that you can share or keep as much as you feel comfortable with.