My Pen And The Burning Lamp

I continued to write diaries till I reached mid-twenties. And because of too much going on in my new found environment, both physical and emotinal stress. Marital problem and culture differences, writing even became to be a burden. Not even wanting to face the thoughts to write them down in words.
Years passed and felt has become void and left me always in search of something in want to share with someone. I tried everyting to fill that emptiness with, making more friends, going out, doing things learning new things. Joining Clubs, learning new cultures and Spiritual oriented organizations. Came the year when the gift (first child) I've always prayed to have (after 7years) was given to my care and another, after 4yrs after the first child.
Everything went like jammed packed with almost everything im my mind. Life became to be a clutter of experiences, old and new that I can no longer focus on where I should take a deep breath.
Friends with like mind is no where to find. I can't pretend to be someone just to have my space to, elsewhere in the crowd. I've done foolish things. Made up excuses. Searching and searching for refuge. Years, long years, while I find comfort only with my kids smiles and little laughs. Burried my head to the responsiblities and richful consolations of child rearing. But whenever I found myself alone with my just own thoughts, I find myself wanting to talk and needing to let go off of the dreams and anxiety deeply seated in the darkest side of my life. From years, long years.
Then I find writing to my diaries again. Going back to drawing out my soul, my heart through words. Writing has become a tool, an escape. A refuge for  my self-centered thoughts, long been waiting to be writen. And to have peace before the burning lamp fades its light, and darkness once again to conquer the sleepless night.
ladyryan ladyryan
46-50, F
2 Responses Jan 3, 2012

LadyRyan, I envy for your ability to put your thoughts to paper and make them so real. I never keep a diary or a journal, I always seemed to keep all my thoughts in my head and was not very good a sharing my thoughts. EP has somewhat changed that for me since the only way on here to communicate is with words. Both what we say and what we do not. I have started to real enjoy reading all the different stores and trying to decide where I belong in this interesting world called EP. I look forward to reading more from you. Take care!

Aww Jim, nothing to be talked about. My entries are all but simple experiences. Same with you, I enjoy the stories here, and helped me to put to shape the words. Thanks Jim for commenting.

So well written. Always taking out your inner self helps. it can be any form, sharing with friends, writting diary, talking to you love.. whatever

Thanks you for reading Dilfek. Thank you for your nice comment.