He's Running With It
In 1991 fell into a terrible post-partum depression
after my husband accepted a job 1000 miles away from our home. I was isolated, terribly alone, and desperately ill. Eventually I got help from my doctor, started taking Prozac, and my husband forgave me for "taking advantage of him" all that time. We moved again, and I really thought we'd put it behind us, but he never forgot and really never forgave me. He met a woman on a business trip and stayed in sexual contact with her for the next twelve years. When I was finally ready to divorce him, he pleaded, "wait, I can change, just give me a chance." Unfortunately, I loved him. I was in love with the idea of our being present and married to one another at our daughter's future graduation from college, wedding, etc. I've given him an additional two years of my life while he goes to therapy for "sex addiction" but even though he's stopped soliciting sex from strangers on the internet, I don't feel like he's "there" for me. I lived without sexual contact from him for 8 years, because I knew I couldn't really trust him. In that time, I became a part-time aerobics instructor, and was in the best physical shape of my life. I feel invisible to him. He doesn't want me physically. Forgiving him for the adultery really cleared the air so that I can see him for what he is. I think it was necessary in order for me to be able to leave him.