"In a daze since i found God"

About ten months ago i went on this youth retreat with out my friend for her church. At the time i had no idea what i was getting myself into, but, with even noticing, i changed. At first being back home was like walking into a room full of people you haven't seen in years. I felt confused and over whelmed. Before the retreat, i was on my way to being an atheist. i had just turned 15 and for my birthday party, we did spells in the basement. Then only a few weeks later, I'm on my way to Michigan with, oh I'd say at least 40 strangers. Oh and did i mention my teacher was the youth Pasteur? i ended up meeting all his siblings. well any way, i got there and found my bed and pretty much prayed for the rest of the weekend. there were testimonies, and i got to know very personal thinkgs about these people i didn't even know.on the second day of that strange weekend, they prayed for each other. everyone was crying as i just sat there and watched. i had no idea what to do. i was in a room full of crying strangers who were worshiping a God i had never known. but as i watched them hold each other, i began to realize it wasn't just the whole "God thing" that was weird to me. it was the fact that everyone was so caring for each other.crying in each others arms in front of something much bigger then them. i had never cry ed in front of a friend. or in front of anyone for that matter. not sincei was a little kid. crying was private for me. something you're not supposed to let other people see.  So seeing emerying cry made me think of my own reasons to cry. like the fact that i felt i could let anyone see me that weak.and i began to fight back tears. and then, unexpectedly, my teacher's wife comes up to me and starts asking me if i wanted her to pray for me. i told her i  don't know. so we sat down i she started explaining to me that God gave loves us so much, he gave up his son for us, so we could be sin free. and she explained what Jesus went through because he loves us so much. and she kept saying "loves you", "loves you", "loved you" and it hurt more and more every time she said it. because that's all i wanted to hear. i just want to hear someone tell me I'm loved and some cares about me. and i try ed so hard not to cry. i wanted to blink so much, just to let all the water out of my eyes. my face must have been all red and worn out looking. so she asked me again if i was comfortable with her praying for me, but all i wanted at the time was for her to go away and stop with all the love stuff! i couldn't hold back much longer! so she told me to come talk to her when i was ready. i was never "ready" for her to pray for me but i still want her to. i was just too shy to talk to her and ask her to pray for me. i think a part of me felt like I'd be opening myself up too much to someone i didn't even know. and i would have been. but i wish I'd said something because now no one prays for me. no one in my family are close to God or wish to be close to God. In the past long ten months, i have gone through so much change. for 2 months after the retreat i wanted to go to church. i wore the shirt i got from the retreat proudly. i accepted God into my life, and over all i think I'm better. I'm happier then i was. I'm friendlier. i can get through hard times well. i haven't done a spell since the week after my birth day. and i stopped picking up the scissors. i feel better no, knowing someone loves me, cares about me, and will always listen to me and help me through my problems. i believe there is a God somewhere...I'm not sure where, but he's there, and he loves me.

Googlyeyed Googlyeyed
1 Response Feb 9, 2009

He does.