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Losing My Soulmate...

Hi…I need to share my story…I need advice, help and your opinion.
It’s my first time to share a story and I’d like to thank anyone who would read ut and take time to reply. It’s pretty long …
Around 3 years ago I broke up with my first serious relationship, I had some self-esteem issues and was dealing with depression. I met a guy who I knew from the first moment I saw him that he is my soul mate. It’s funny and people feel strange about it but when I was 15 I wrote on a paper how my other half would be like and seriously it was him, even little details like tattoos were exactly the same. When he saw me his reaction was funny, opened his mouth like he didn’t believe his eyes, he told me later that he never believed he would meet the woman of his dreams in real life. Anyways, I was pretty bad because of my depression but he decided to be with me and help me through this, telling me that one day I will be fine and when I finally open my eyes and see him, we will be happy together. That day came, we were the happiest couple, we were peaceful, in love and happy until he left for the army and I found out that I was pregnant. I was only 23 and he was 25, but we really wanted the baby, he told me in fact that maybe we are young but we love each other, we are each other’s soul mate and we would be good parents so he asked to come home for one week so we can talk and see what to do in detail. Our parents never approved, my mother was crying every day telling me that my life would be ruined and that it’s the bad timing cause he was in the army and he would be away for 8 months and would freak out if he came back and had to deal with a wife and a baby. So we decided all together with our families to do an abortion. The day I went to the hospital to do it he was holding my hand and told me not to cry cause we would have a baby when the time is right and everyone would be happy about it. But that changed me as a person, I went through the abortion alone, made his life hard when he was away and when he finally came back from the army we were a little different. Still in love but not talking as we did…then he lost his job and I had to work all day to make it and I had my mom that she was telling me that I don’t deserve him and I deserve better and I freaked. I asked him to leave the house we were together, cause I needed it time, he did it…in the meanwhile he opened his own record store. Around a month we were like this I asked him to break up cause I felt I was falling in love with him and he was falling out… He didn’t want to at first but we had a fight and then when I realized that this is not what I wanted he said now it’s over. The things got worst when he came to take his stuff from our apparent where we both lost control and started fighting, I punched him and he was trying to push me away, then I was running behind him, asking him to forgive me but he just said go home so I left, he sent an sms to my best friend asking him to come home and be with me, and tell him if I am okay, of course me best friend told me! Anyways, we didn’t contact after that for a month, where a friend of mine told me he was seeing another girl from another city, I lost my mind, I was crying all night that night but I found my strength and said if he is happy I am happy and I tried to move on, didn’t work… he is in a band, I went to his gig with some friends at Xmas, at first he didn’t talk to me but he started drinking after the 5th beer he came and talked to me, just asked me if I like the gig but then he left his friends and came with us, we went to a place to drink some beers, I was the only girl, but he came with us instead with his friends…I thought I had moved on so I wrote him a letter on new year’s eve telling him that I moved on and lies about how perfect I am and stuff and that I am happy he is with another girl…he just replied goof for you, it’s not your business what I’m doing, now you’re free.
Weeks went on and on, I realized that I was the one who was confused, I cleared things up with myself, made up my mind and told him how I feel about him. That I love him, I will never stop loving him, that I will try to do my best to stay out of his life and his new relationship and all these stuff… he replied that he is tired of me being such a drama queen, that he is just messing around with that girl but it’s not my business to know what he is doing, to leave him alone and not to go again to his gigs. I didn’t listen to him, I went to the gig a week ago, he didn’t talk to me, he started drinking and drinking and then he came to me and told me that he is leaving and I wanted to leave too, I said yeah I’ll go home to sleep…so I met him outside and he asked me how I’m doing with my life, what I’m going to do and stuff we hugged and we left each for his home…the next day the girl he was supposed he was messing with unblocked me from fb, I got angry about that, felt like they are playing with me and my feelings! I told him, we got ina fight and I told him some stuff I never said before about how I am and what I feel about everything and asked him not to reply. After 3 days he sent me a message in fb…and he wrote me: “hi…I want you to know that it’s not that I have deleted from my life or that I don’t want you in it…we’ve been through so many things I can’t do that, it’s that everything that happened lately were too much…the reason I don’t want to see you is not cause I don’t want to, I want like to see you, I just feel sad when you are sad…but I love you as a person with all your good and bad…as for me, I am alone, there is no other girl, I don’t need that now…for the first time in my life things are going how I wanted, with a plan…please try to do the same for you…I want you to be the girl you were…free and independent…”
I was shocked I didn’t reply right away…but I wrote him a 4 pages letter…it was my soul in words…everything I ever had in side and never told him and all that it’s happening now…I also wrote him that I don’t know if he meant when he said I am his soul mate…if he was just in love or he really meant it…he replied to me after a day “Good morning…everything I ever said to you it’s true…I am not taking anything back, I will never do it…As I told you I want us to be in contact and not only via fb but it’s too soon…at least for me! It’s better to let time go without too much contct for now…I want you by my side and I want to be okay to you…without feeling sad or angry when I see you…I appreciate everything you tell me but I still believe we need time…that’s all…”
I just replied that I will wait…it’s what I want, just want you to know that I will fight for us when the time comes…I’m giving time now cause this all I can do for us now…until that time I need to work with myself and do things for myself…
This is my story…I really feel he is my one…I am willing to wait him to be ready to love me again…I feel hurt when I see all the girls he is talking, he is flirty with all, but I know how much I love him and I feel okay with myself so I’m not angry or jealous. I support his band as much as I can and also his store..... I want him to take his time see how much he means to me even if he is not with me…and maybe give me chance to make him fall for me as I did before…
Please tell me what do you think? All our common friends say we are not over…I really feel we are not over, we will never be over, he is my one…
Sorry for my English! It’s not my mother language!
Sokolatina Sokolatina 22-25, F 1 Response Jan 23, 2013

Your Response


this is very sad story

i do not know you or him to give any advice, it is truly sad to see people who have something for each other to put their ego in front of the love