He's My Edward.

(Edward- from Twilight...sorry, I love the analogy, and I don't want to use real names.)

I met my husband when I was 18 and he was 16.  I was immediately attracted to him in a different way than anyone else I had ever met.  I remember my first site of him- like a snapshot in my head.  And yes, just like in Big Fish, time slowed down...(I love that scene!)

I was living with someone else, and he had a girlfriend.  We were just friends. 

I remember this bizarre feeling of "awe/aaah/oooh"...it wasn't sexual, but it was. 

We maintained a friendship for several years, and he became my best friend, as we both married someone else.  I remember seeing him at my first wedding and thinking, "No, he can't be married!"  and then realizing how utterly absurd that was-- at MY wedding. 

His wife was well....hmmm- a complete psychopath?  He married her because he got her pregnant, and she ran off repeatedly.  He kept trying to hold it together, but she was impossible.  She abused their daughter, and I became her babysitter. 

My husband was very controlling- and I didn't love him.  I was young, immature, and had no self-esteem whatsoever.  We had a daughter, as well. 

My Edward came one day to pick up his daughter, and I asked him how it was going with the wife.  He said, "I have no heart."  And mine broke. 

I realized I could not continue in my marriage because I didn't love him.  I asked for a divorce.  I didn't even know I was in love with someone else. 

I came to meet him after his night classes- trembling, unsure, and with a box of condoms!!  LOL  I'll never forget the look on his face when he opened that little bag.  I knew we were friends, but I didn't know if I was the only one feeling 'more'.

I was sexually abused as a child and had been somewhat promiscuous.  But I'd never experienced anything like he and I.  There was instant magic.  Instant fire.  It was like he was inside my head, knowing where and how to touch me before I even knew for myself.

The divorces happened.  Mine was very bloody.  The ex-to-be, whom I'd known since I was 15, used my childhood abuse and past against me.  He got custody of our daughter...and a part of me literally died.  Sitting in the parking lot of the lawyer's office, after getting the decree, I saw my step-father's sneering face in the rear-view mirror- and heard him in my head, laughing at me, "I told you you'd end up just like your mother!"  I beat the mirror off the windshield, destroying it.  

Things didn't go well after that.  I was briefly hospitalized for suicidal thoughts...my Edward couldn't emotionally find me...I was lost to myself, as well. 

We split up...and then I had lost everything...his daughter, my daughter, and HIM. 

I went down a very bad path, started doing drugs and getting wilder and wilder...he and I didn't speak for several months.  Then I ended up pregnant.

I came off the drugs and realized what I was doing, and what I wanted and needed more than anything...him...my Edward.

It took seven more years, and another failed marriage (for me) before my Edward and I got it right...we both failed each other in so many ways, so many times...so much pain...but we couldn't leave each other alone.  Every time we tried to stay away from each other, something kept pulling us back.

He proposed to me, and we had a small wedding, but a big marriage.  We have been married now for 7 and 1/2 years...the seven years apart went so slow and painful...the seven years together has flown by...

We have had our struggles...but they have made us stronger and stronger...we are so totally in love...he is my Edward.

 

 

 

1froggirl 1froggirl
36-40, F
1 Response Feb 22, 2009

Thank you for sharing your story.<br />
I am glad you found such happiness!