My Marriage Is Going Through Hell

i dont know where to start..... I am in a very complicated situation right now, and i know its my fault. My marriage is hanning on the little string and can fall and marriage was great for about 3 years, but in the beginning of this year it went down the hill . We got distant, couldnt communicate with each other well, almost every day we were fighting and arguing.Well i started having an affair, he found that out and were willing to forgive me and start everything over again. But at that moment i was in to the other guy and didnt really care what my husband was saying. Later on i realized that what i was doing is wrong and all i want is my family. I stopped talking to the guy . I wanted my husband and i to be together , because deep inside i knew that i love him and only him. Well couple month later my husband started having and affair. And the way he was acting was even worse then what i did. He was rubbing it in my face, he was talking to her openly on the web cam, while i was in the same room. It was slow and cruel torture for me. At least i never showed him that i was talking to someone else. But he was doing it and didnt care how i felt. He would go and see her every single day and at night talk to her online. When i found out abut his affair i was crying and begging him for forgivnes for everything i have done to him. I told him that all i needed is him and never stopped loving him, he didnt wanna listen to me, he was just bringing the past up and what have i done. I told him that every single person makes mistakes and they learn from it, i learned from mine and all i needed is his forgivness and acceptance. I told him that i will forgive his affair. But no.....he kept talking and seeing her. He has been telling her that he loves her and wants to be with her, that how bad he regrets that he hast met her before and much more.... My heart and seoul were crashed and destroyed. I am lost and confused, i want him back because i still love him. And i hate myself that i cheated on him, i hate myself for being selfish and uncaring. Yesterday was his court day, he is in jail now for 10 month and i hope while he is in there he will clear his mind out and will realize everything. Every single day before his court day he was spending with her, instead of spending time with his daughter and wife. Well right now i am lost and confused and dont know what to do.......I am so depressed and i feel absolutely lonely and broken.
moizaichik moizaichik
22-25, F
2 Responses Dec 14, 2012

you cant really blame the guy, you started it. you dont have a say if he should forgive you or how he should react to this. if you dont like it leave. the moment you started it, you should be prepared for the worst that its over if you get caught.

Wow, so sorry for you!

Don't blame yourself. He is using your self hatred and against you and rubbing it in your face. Get out of there and get yourself back. Get your confidence and self love. Sure you messed up, lots of us do that but get over it. You deserve to be loved, and you need to start by loving yourself first. Your husband is being very cruel and there is no justification for that.

Confide in a friend, seek out a counselor but get help sweetie.