My girlfriend is engaged to another man. I just found out, but she doesn't know that I know. The whole situation is ****** up. I'm not innocent either. I'm married, but she has known from the start. Our relationship for a long time was strictly platonic. I knew she had feelings for me before I ever felt anything for her. We don't live in the same city so it was easy to be distant. She really helped me out and I ended up falling in love with her. I was already pretty unhappy in my marriage. We have a close working relationship too. I know even though she has feelings for me she has always backed away after a while. Now I really know why. I thought it was just because I'm married, but she is also engaged. She got engaged before I ever felt anything for her and maybe before she felt anything for me. I can't believe I ended up in this ****** up situation. I still love her and want to talk her into at least giving our relationship a chance, but it is an even bigger risk for her than it is for me. She would move to my city and maybe something would work out or she'd just end up moving on. She would of course destroy the relationship with her fiance and maybe that relationship would bring her happiness for the rest of her life. I feel hurt but I knew getting into this relationship was stupid and had a low chance of success. Your thoughts? Feel free to tell me I'm just an idiot.
wakeupdead wakeupdead
31-35, M
3 Responses Aug 22, 2014

Woow if you are ready to leave ur wife for her and you also what a future with her then do it doesn't matter what the consequences are...fight for her if you truly still in love with her and it hurt you thinking her with another man ..get up and fight for your love..

Its a little more complicated because I have my daughter that I would do pretty much anything for. She is the only reason Im still with my wife now. If the other woman and I aren't going to take the next step together then I would stay with my wife at least a while longer. I think I just need to make it clear that I really honestly love her and Im willing to take the next step with her as long as we do it together.

Wow finally got to hear man speaking from their heart..
She is only engaged. A whole lot easier if she were ready to leave his fiance. You should talk to her and tell your feelings and plans. And decide thereafter.

She has told me before that I should try to be happy with what I've got. I guess that's what she's telling herself. I want to tell her everything and tell her my plans. I was trying to hold back recently because I thought maybe she needed more space and I thought we had all the time in the world but now that I know she's engaged the clock is ticking. I thought she needed space because whenever we talked she would be so happy and giggly and obviously in love but then it might be hard to get more than a cold email out of her for a couple days. She even showed me off to a friend of hers from her hometown one day and then the next day she was hard to get a response out of. Hopefully when we talk tonight I can tell her my plan and she can at least start mulling it over.

Wow...that is complicated. Well....she still NOT married. I would Not pursue and persuade her to come to you if you are still married and have no plans to end your marriage. That's just unfair to her. Should she have told you she's engaged. ...yes. but she probably already knew the relationship she has with you will not amount to nothing more than an emotional affair or a physical one at best.

Honestly, until you end your marriage I would just leave relationship in the platonic column.

There is a chance I would leave my marriage even if I don't see having a relationship with this woman, but I would definitely leave if she would put herself out there for me. Really I would have left my marriage 2 years ago if it wasn't for my daughter. My daughter is barely 3 now. I try to stay in my marriage for my daughter but I really do love this other woman and I know she would treat my daughter really well. It really hurts to hear her say she just has to settle for 2nd best.