Found Peace With My Father


I relocated to Colorado from NC for a few months towards the end of 2008.  I came home for the Christmas holidays, deciding to return in February to get things from the apartment.  My father decided he wanted to go with me.  I drove twenty-nine straight hours only stopping to get gas and use the restroom.  Once we got to Colorado, he didn't help load one thing.  By that point, I was exhausted from doing all the driving.  He wanted to drink beer the entire way there.  I was getting a little frustrated with the situation.  We slept for about six hours and were back on the road.  About fourteen hours into the drive back to NC, we were in Lawrence Kansas when my father and I began to argue.  At this time, he had drank a bottle of Jack Daniels.  We were traveling seventy mph which was the limit when my father punched me in the face.  I started to curse when he grabbed my steering column.  He was pushing up on the wheel and I was pulling down.  He let go and I lost control of the car.  As the left rear side of the car came around both left side tires burst, then we started to roll.  When the force of the car came down on the windshield, it burst.  Every time the car would roll on it's top dirt and shattered glass was being thrown into my face.  It was a horrible feeling not having any control over the situation.  Once the car came to a halt, and I realized what had just happend.  It's nearly mid-nite and only about twenty degrees outside.  I quickly flicked on the interior light,  looked over at my father.  He wasn't moving.  I thought he was dead.  I started to call his name.  He answered after calling for him five or six times.  He didn't have on his damn seat belt.  I knew he was badly injured by a large, red whelp down his neck.  I knew he was lucky not to have been thrown from the car.  His side of the roof was smashed in to where there was only couple of inches between his head and the roof of the car.  Ironically, all the windows had burst except for my driver and passenger side window.   It was like God was on my side.  I twisted my back up a little.  Thankfully, I had my seat belt on which I believe contributed to saving my life.  The shock is starting to wear off when I realized that I had to do something.  It was so cold that I was losing feeling in my hands and feet.  I jumped out of the car, ran toward the highway to stop someone.  After about fifteen minutes, I realized no one was going to stop so I ran back to the car and started to flash the headlights.  No one was stopping.  Think cell phone...where's my cell phone?  I began to dig through the litter of things that had been thrown out the back, side windows in search for the phone.  There were blankets, cologne, pillows, papers, clothes amongst other things.  My father started to yell that he was cold.  Without really thinking about it, I jumped back into the car and tried to start it.  It wouldn't' start.  I didn't think till later that I could have blew us up.  I grabbed one of the blankets to put over my dads window.  About twenty five minutes had passed by this time.  I couldn't feel anything from the cold.  Finally I found the cell in the back floor board.  The screen was shattered. Oh my goodness I honestly started to panic that we were gonna freeze to death.  After all we had been through, we were gonna die from the cold weather.  Then I suddenly realized the car was in drive is why it wouldn't start.  I put it in park, and it crank up.  What a relief.  I started to flash my headlights again.  Finally after about thirty-five to forty minutes a guy driving a tractor-trailer stopped.  He said, " I travel this highway every day, I knew there shouldn't be a car in the wrong direction that far off the road."  He called for help.  I felt blessed to be alive.  We arrived at Lawrence Hospital, then dad was transferred to Kansas University Medical.  The wreck broke vertebrae's in his neck, his back, broke several of his ribs, and his sternum was broken.  The doctor said he was one vertebrae from being paralyzed from neck down.  I walked into ICU to see him hooked to all kinds of tubes.  Although it was his fault, it was scary to realize the severity of what happened.  I suddenly realized that all the hell that he put me through during my childhood, the beatings with sticks, and belts.  The verbal abuse.  Him making my mom, sister, and myself suffer from mental and physical abuse.  The times he would walk through the house breaking everything but his own stuff.  The sound of glass breaking, my mother crying, all the horrible things he had done suddenly began seem insignificant.  It didn't matter at all.  I started to feel sorry for him.  I knew it was stage of transformation for him and for myself.  He teared up and began to tell me how sorry he was.  It was genuine.  He was truly sorry.  A sense of PEACE came over me.  


j19p82 j19p82
26-30, M
Feb 14, 2010