E-Relics of the Past

Although I try to avoid getting into the past, sometimes it's just hard to not go back into your inbox and look at better times..

I still have old text messages from my last ex. they are just two simple messages, one saying "Love ya babe" and another saying "Guess what? I love you".
I can't seem to bring myself to erase them.
I'll look at the texts and the dates and think to myself.. on this day, though, he loved me. that's what he was thinking. he loved me.

the worst is those social networks on the internet, like facebook or myspace. my facebook is just good at making the announcement of my single-ness, but myspace.. woo.

there are comments and messages of exes that have passed, exes i thought that meant what they said, exes i wish i could forget, exes that have hurt me more than they could ever know.

knowing that someone who is capable of abuse or rape is also capable of telling you to trust them and to love them is the killer...
having internet-forms of evidence that you were eating it all up is hell.
gruneaugen gruneaugen
18-21, F
2 Responses Mar 19, 2007

i kept most of the emails too....I also have 2 messages on my voice mail that i keep saving because they both have him saying he loves me. I can't bring myself to delete them.... I used to cry when i listened to them....

I know what you mean. I am a lot older than you are and I recently googled an ex that I have not spoken to in over 10 years. It turns out that this guy has this blog and still evidently spends significant time following the same bands he loved 10 years ago. <br />
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Now however he has a wife and a little girl who were prominently mentioned in his blog. I read some, not everything, but he was so selfish and immature, which is why we finally parted...but at one time he said he loved me....but I finally concluded that his real love was himself....it still brought back some hurt feelings for me because he didn't give back to me as I had given him.<br />
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The real question is why did I seek him out by googling him? As I did it I wondered if he ever thought about me. Our relationship lasted about 5 years....I decided based on the self absorption that I still noted in his writing that he probably never thought about me at all...and then my hurt changed to anger...not sure its better, but maybe since in my anger I don't blame myself or feel that I was lacking....it is still a bad emotion, but in the anger I focus the fault and shortcomings on my ex.