At Least That's What They Tell Me

And there you have it.  I don't do it intentionally, and I wouldn't say that I'm a ball-buster (though others might).  I recently ran into a man I'd once worked with (Matt).  When the subject of why men of my professional acquaintance tended to keep their distance, he told me that it’s because I’m too intimidating.  He said that whenever he'd had to come to me for anything, he'd known in advance that he'd better have his feces coagulated.  When I laughed and said I wasn't that bad the man standing beside him looked at me as if I'd grown a second head and said: "you're kidding, right?"                                                                                                     I might mention that when we worked together Matt had been in a position above me; and the guy standing next to him? … My boss!   Sheesh! What’s a girl to do?   
Katija Katija
51-55, F
10 Responses Jul 12, 2007

Unfortunately, I’m in a position where the majority of the people I work with are male. You’d find it amazing how either playing the role of helpless female or a ball-buster is the only way a woman can accomplish anything. Since I’m not the helpless female type, the only way open to me is the … um … well… the other one. Unfortunately, when women are ‘assertive’, it’s called being b i t c h y; when men are ‘assertive’ they are go-getters, or a host of other positive terms. I don’t really care anymore. I’ve got a job to do. I compromise where I can but I’ve noticed that a lot (not all) of men see my compromise as a sign of weakness and there after don’t give what I say much attention. I really, really hate that! So when I compromise, I make sure they know that I know it’s a compromise—things tend to be a lot smoother that way.

Yeah, (ggl) all 5'3" of me. Ah, the curse of confidence. When I walk into a room… *whip sounds in the background* quiver gentlemen, quiver! LOL!

Well, Sasxiv, I didn't say there weren't perks:-D Unfortunately, the down side is that I end up frustrated at work when I can't get things done. For instance, one of the men I have working for me is a very smart Tech, however, when I assign tasks to him, if he doesn't understand it or there's more on his plate than he can handle, he won't tell me. He'd prefer to muddle through it and risk getting it wrong, which wastes time or he will go to someone else and have them explain it. I've done my own soul searching on this and based on the responses by a couple other people who work for me I don't feel as though I'm unreasonably critical. He's just afraid to talk to me.

Yea, men are little boys at heart. While on the outside your attitude may cause some resentment, inside they want you so bad - LOL. I bet you have several that follow you around like little puppies too.....

I have had somewhat of the same, I have always been a positive,self confident,self relient person with one deadly flaw ( to most men) I tend to be painfully honest and that can ouch at times. It tends to put them on guard, never knowing what will fly out of my mouth. Not being bad or distructive, any criticism is constructive. My motto lady's ... ******* aren't born they are made... works for me.

LOL!!! Thanks Tardy! My sentiments exactly!

You sound like an excellent, strong, confident and highly capable woman. I reckon the problem is with the men! No matured and grown man would be intimidated by you. Unless you are of Godzilla sized proportions and halitosis. In all seriousness, you sound like the sort of woman that genuinely grown men would LOVE to have about long term. A proper, worthy equal life partner. But if you want a quick fling, you might have to just grab a lesser man and have your wicked way with him, then leave him in awe of you for the rest of his life ;)

I can't say I'm really sure why it is. I do know when to stick up for myself and when to let things slide but I think I do this with a kind of finesse that doesn’t belittle them or put them down. And I’m also secure enough to tell a guy when I think he's being an SOB, but I'm generally pretty tolerant of a lot of crap that other women would take exception to, largely because I work in an environment heavily dominated by men. It could be that they don’t know how to take me. If I want or need something I go get it; if something needs to be done, I do it myself or if I need help, I’ll go get someone to help—without hesitation or the expectation that they will refuse. I must say though, lest you think I think I’m perfect, I don’t back down (even when I should). I don’t like the word “no” and will drill a situation until I get a “yes” or at least a “maybe”. Hmmm, maybe, just maybe that is what Matt meant when he said he had to make sure he had his stuff together when he came to talk to me. If I don’t like what I hear, I want to know all the facts, so that I know for sure there is nothing I can do about it. Eureka! I got it! I’m a pain in the ***… But, then again, how is this different than how a man behaves in a similar situation?

You know, I get the same. Not from people I work with yet, but I have heard it. In High School I scared the freshman, I found out that I managed to scare some of the males in my physics class as well. I think that a strong female presence may just be intimidating.

Are they threatened by your job possition? I find men are a bit more intimidated by the woman that works up the corporate ladder quicker than them. But that could be because that woman might be a bit more fierce and competitive, from having to fight to be recognized!