I Need My Very Own Children

I am 31 yrs old and childless, I had fibroids embolization 3 yrs ago using my entire savings plus a one year loan to get it done and the Dr. said he's not sure I'll have kids. I understasnd what you are going through I have a simillar situation, perhaps worse because in the society I come from many people are suspicious of people without kids, they think we are cursed or there's something we did or are doing wrong and often distance themselves away, a few others may understand but always give this look of pitty that feels uncomfortable or just don't know how to relate with us so end up avoiding us. I am now trying to leave my country to start a new life else where because I've already lost close friends I went with to college including my best friend, they got married and had kids one by one, soon I noticed they got uncomfortable inviting me for baby showers and bridal showers my former best friend didn't let me know she was pregnant until I commented she had gained weight and she said she was 6 months that left me wondering how uncomfortable she must be relating with me because we no longer share much in common. My youngest sister's friend had 2 abortions while in college and had bigger fibroids than I had but were not problematic so she now has 2 kids a friend of hers too discovered she had fibroids but successfully conceived a few months later and now has twin boys. Every body I know has kids I now dread going to functions because I get pitty stares and questions like why I am waiting too long to have kids... also most conversations are too focused on kids, their achievements and husbands which is understandable since it's an exciting part of life but I feel left out because during this they clearly listen more to those with kids and it starts to seem like I don't exist for a while! awkward...
I just got married a few months ago to a man from another country he has a 7 year old daughter (my step daughter) who honestly hates me, she's the bad kind of step daughter and my husband is not supportive in correcting her bad behaviour she's actually a pain to almost every body her dad, her bio mom, teachers at school but meaner to me because she hates me, her mom has custody but lets her visit us all the time to rest from the constant headache she causes and my husband wants us to have her all the time because she means the world to him so it's me who gets to suffer most of the time with her. My husband doesn't want any more kids he says kids are too difficult to manage so we won't try to conceive. I am considering leaving the relationship but am under duress I have no job yet I and have to learn a knew language to have better chances of getting one, and since am not yet employed I am more like the maid at home and his 'babyseatter' he wants me to do more of the mommy job than his daughter's real mother who lives only 100 metres from our home besides she's the one with the custody and she's the one the child loves I feel like am being used here yet my husband doesn't see that worst of all my 7 year old step daughter is soooooo difficult to manage I observed she was raised badly and it's still happening because I have no say and the little girl doesn't listen or respect any body especially me. I dread every time she comes over to visit because it's constant stress from day one to the end - Big tantrums, screaming, abussive language Gosh! God help me am confussed where to beging from. I need my own family very urgently. Being a step mom is 'brain surgery' too difficult!! OMG
Newmom2 Newmom2
31-35, F
Nov 26, 2012