Discovering My Son Wants MeWhen my son left for university back in September 2011 the following days was spent clearing up the mess he'd left behind in his bedroom. I came across a diary of that year which he'd forgotten to take with him and I just couldn't help but leaf through it.
Among the usual entries of homework, appointments and girlfriends there were entries about me. These entries started as far back as January basically commenting on how 'hot' i looked, what I was wearing, what mood i was in, how pretty I looked! As i read through the summer months it seemed his interest in me rose to a higher level with entries of me 'walking round the house in my underwear'. I couldn't believe what i was reading! There was an entry in August when he came home late after a night out and my husband was on a night shift and he sat by mey bed as i slept and stroked my hair and face.
When he'd phone from Uni it would take on whole new meaning when he'd say he missed me. I grew quickly to take much comfort from his calls and wait them in anticipation now.
After reading his diary and getting over the shock I had to admit how aroused I was over the following weeks though I knew it was wrong. I tried to find websites only to discover how common the fantasy was for young males and how many had actually begun reelationships with their mothers! From those sites I graduated to sites where people came together to exchange stories and experiences of sibling/parental realtionships and suddenly i wasn't so judgmental or worried.
I logged onto my sons computer and found sites on Mom/son love that he'd been visiting for ages. When he came home for Christmas his gazes just went right to my core. I was nervous when we were alone. He'd offer to do back rubs as we watched Tv but the holiday was just too busy for me as any housewife/mum would tell you for anything else to happen. Ha! listen to me - anything else - as if I wanted more to happen!
Its still hard to comprehend - does my Son want me? or more importantly do i want him? I spend days thinking about him and nights fantasising. When he calls I come over in goose bumps , his voice low and soft and tender and now I'm nervous as hell as half term approaches and I know he'll be back home.