Not ForgottenYou know grief will cut like a knife sometimes when its least expected.
For 16 years I've been tortured with the unexpected stabs of grief from the adoption of my baby girl. When I was 16 yrs old I had my first boyfriend! Unfortunately I found myself pregnant. My parents were shocked and embarrassed. I was sent way to a girls home. We all decided I should place the baby for adoption. My mom said she was not going to take care of my mistakes. I had to face the fact that I didn't have a viable choice besides adoption. Being gullible I blindly agreed to everything. I had my little girl early and she had to stay I'm the nicu for several weeks. After that we had papers signed and she was in the arms of her new mommy. Through the whole process I never cried! Right up until the moment I was holding her alone before I carried her to her new mom. My eyes were stinging looking down at this wrinkled premature angel, her beautiful pink dress swallowed her. I prayed over her and asked god to please just let me see her again. I was completely powerless, I had to following through. When I brought her to the family there were tears of joy...they were so happy. Just as parents should be. It was very awkward for me. I left empty handed. I had given everything away. This has become such a part of my identity as a person. I'm a mom of three girls now and I still grieve over the loss of my baby girl! You can't ever replace your lose only cope.
I believe my girl has been loved and well taken care of and her life is better for the decision that was made. But mine is not, but isn't that what moms do for their babies, they sacrifice their own happiness for the sake of their children...
Not ever forgotten sweet Elizabeth Anne!
underrock 31-35, F 7 Responses 3 Apr 28, 2012