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Not Forgotten

You know grief will cut like a knife sometimes when its least expected.
For 16 years I've been tortured with the unexpected stabs of grief from the adoption of my baby girl. When I was 16 yrs old I had my first boyfriend! Unfortunately I found myself pregnant. My parents were shocked and embarrassed. I was sent way to a girls home. We all decided I should place the baby for adoption. My mom said she was not going to take care of my mistakes. I had to face the fact that I didn't have a viable choice besides adoption. Being gullible I blindly agreed to everything. I had my little girl early and she had to stay I'm the nicu for several weeks. After that we had papers signed and she was in the arms of her new mommy. Through the whole process I never cried! Right up until the moment I was holding her alone before I carried her to her new mom. My eyes were stinging looking down at this wrinkled premature angel, her beautiful pink dress swallowed her. I prayed over her and asked god to please just let me see her again. I was completely powerless, I had to following through. When I brought her to the family there were tears of joy...they were so happy. Just as parents should be. It was very awkward for me. I left empty handed. I had given everything away. This has become such a part of my identity as a person. I'm a mom of three girls now and I still grieve over the loss of my baby girl! You can't ever replace your lose only cope.
I believe my girl has been loved and well taken care of and her life is better for the decision that was made. But mine is not, but isn't that what moms do for their babies, they sacrifice their own happiness for the sake of their children...
Not ever forgotten sweet Elizabeth Anne!
underrock underrock 31-35, F 6 Responses Apr 28, 2012

Your Response


i also gave baby up for adoption at 14 i am also adopted was forced to the baby up by adoptive parents which makes it worse in my eye

I hope you can find peace.

me to and i hope u find peace to

i run after it daily!!

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When you give (it is a gift) a child for adoption, you never forget. My experience as a birthparent included the feeling of being incomplete...there was a missing piece of me out there that I could not recover. <br />
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Is your goal reunification? If so, best to figure out the laws in the state of adoption regarding adoption records. Once you figure out the laws, you can take steps to "open" your record so that if your daughter decides to search, she has an easy path back to you. Some states allow you to completely open your record, others allow identifying information and some, sadly, allow very little. <br />
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May your path be easy.

The agency used will disclose my info to her. I'm waiting patiently!

My birthson had the rights to access my adoption records after the age of 18. I waited until he was 18 and then waited until he was ready to contact me. The after 18 waiting period is was an exercise in giving up control and allowing my birthson to make a decision that will have a significant impact on my life. I decided that since he had no voice in the adoption decision he should have the opportunity to choose how, when and if to reunify. He contacted me when he was 20. I had spend 20 years preparing for that day, and still was not ready for the experience.

Wow! Thanks for sharing that! Idk why I'm just seeing this comment. It makes me so very nervous to think of my daughter choosing to meet me. I so fear rejection!

Emotional intensity is a common reunification experience....sometimes so great that an adoptee or birthparent feels the need to back away....possibly leaving the other feeling rejected. I have worked hard to keep my expectations of my birthson in check....there is no way to completely make up for 20 years of disconnection.

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I imagine that with Mother's day upon us, your anguish over a decision to give up a child whom you should know most adopted children do very well in their development and have excellent relationships with their adoptive families.<br />
I think you should focus on the positive of your sacrifice, that is many people want and need a child to adopted and your gift into their lives is an answer to their prayers.<br />
Hopefully one day you will meet them and your daughter again and know that as difficult as it was it shouldn't be regretted for a moment.

Thanks for reading...
I'm grateful that my daughter has been cared for and hopefully well adjusted. Sacrificed is often painfully and hopefully worth it in the end.

sad... my heart aches, a tear slides down my cheek .God Bless you!..:)

Thank you for reading, I'm sorry its too sad

Wow, your sweet little baby, Elizabeth Anne, is almost 18 yrs old, Mom. Keep praying that she finds you. You are a treasure and she will be filled with happiness to find her "real mother" when the time is right.<br />
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God bless you for doing the noble thing and for giving your baby life. Giving her away took more strength, courage, hope and love than keeping her. I cannot imagine the difficulty and weight on your heart. But remember that we serve a great and mighty God and He has blessed little Elizabeth Anne in ways beyond your wildest dreams.

Thank you so much for reading and encouraging me! Sometimes it takes someone reminding me that this is right and things have been made good on our behalf. Your words are precious!