I Gave Up Both My Children For Adoption And Lost A Baby

I was seventeen when i got pregnant with my first child and i was thrilled but the problem was that I loved my babies father to much. He was no good for me or her. We left south carolina and joined the carnival because we had no where to go but bye gods grace broke down in tennesse. We stayed with his parents out in tennesse but he hurt me and i was afraid and because i was legally under age in the state the department of children services got involved. So me and my daughter both went into custody. I loved my daughter and tried my best to take care of her but I was young and naieve i went back to her father and got pregnant with my son. Later during that time we was all finally together i had everything i wanted except there father was in the military and away for his training but he cheated. We seperated and he moved another women into the home while i was still living there. It was so hard on me i tried to comit suicide. My grandparents came to get me and the chilren and brought us back to indiana with them. They would not let me speak to the kids father at all. But because of how he manipulated me so much and how much i thought i loved him i chose to leave my son with my grandparents and the foster mother take my daughter. Eventually we finally split for good and i met a wonderful men. To this day i am still with him. There was no jobs where we lived and there was no way for me to take care of my children and by this time my son no longer knew me since i left him when he was seven months old. I had no choice the department of children services told me i had to sign my right away or they would be ******** from me so i signed them away just so i could be in my childrens lives still. Well about seven months ago i found out i was pregnant me and the love of my life was having hardships so i moved in with mygrandpaarents. I no longer am allowed to call my son mine if i speak of him it has to be my biliogical son and it's very difficult if i am even refer him as my son she gets extremly angry. As far as my daughter is concerned she knows she is mine and two days ago from today she looked at me with those beautiful brown eyes and asked me why i left her. It tore my heart apart. I was honest and told her at the tme i could not care for her and that her mommy could. She cried to leave with me she wanted so badly just to be with me. I dont know how to deal with loosing my children the way i did but not only that have a misscarriage seven months ago due to it being a tubal pregnancy. Me and my love want a child more then ever but my grandparents stand in the way. We are living with them for now but here soon once we have enough money saved up we will have our own place. We both work and extremly hard it may not be the best jobs in the world but it's beter then what most are doing but i have never had to realy plan for a child instead of it just happening. Any advice from any one because i sure could use it.
Rachaeld23 Rachaeld23
22-25, F
2 Responses May 11, 2012

Ok well I feel so much for your daughter,her heart hurts.I know because my father left our family when i was 5.The hurt never goes away when a parent abandons a child or is not stable enough to take care of them.<br />
I hope your life turns out well from here going forward.

Thank you and i to know the pain of not having a mother. My mother was never in my life during my whole child hood. I finally found her when i was eighteen but we still do not have a relationship and dont talk at least i am puttiing an effort to be in there liveseven though they are legally no longer mine. I will do my best to move forward

Yes you need to go to school get educated and become a responsible person and then get your kids back.You can't keep making the same mistakes and think they will turn out differently.<br />
You also should stop relying on your feelings and your heart and listen to mature people like your grandparents who i think really anted to help you.<br />
Your story is sad but I see where mistakes were made and could have been corrected before it all fell apart.<br />
I don't mean to be hard on you but you really need to take the right steps to get your family back together.Your daughter is crying out for you,do all you can to make it right for her.Don't let her cry every night to sleep because she is not with you.So go and do something drastic to make it all right.<br />
Thanks for sharing your story.

I can no longer get my children back they both have been adopted my son is autsistic and would not uderstand and as for my daughter i tried to eplain it to her why i left her it just hurts. I love my children but i did what i thought was best at the time. i wish there wasa way for us to be together but there is not. Not until she is eighteen and as for school i am working on that. The father is no longer around and does not need to be he is in prison for sexual assault on a minor but the one i am with now supports me in everything