Gave Child Up To Parents 5 Years Ago. Almost 6. I Live With Regret And Hate Myself.

When I was 19 I ended up pregnant. I was living with my parents and the guy wasn't around. I ended up giving birth at the age 20 to a beautiful little girl. I stayed home and took care of my first daughter. I still went out sometimes which I probably should never have done. I won't lie I didn't really know how to do things but I tried. I watched my daughter. I took care of her, but my parents hated how I did things. They hated music I listened to. Hated my fashion since. They still hate things about me like tattoos and hair color which I see nothing wrong. Well when my daughter was 6 months old my parents decided to take her away from me. They told me I had to give her up willing or they would do forcefully so I let them. I thought they could win cause I had no job. They said she would still call me mom but as soon as I signed those papers they changed it. I lost rights. I cry everyday and night. She is now 5 years old. I am scared that my kid will hate me in future or they will never tell her. I will tell her if they don't once she hits a certain age. I don't care if they get mad. I love her so much. I regret giving them her. I hate myself. I think sometimes about seeing about taken her from them. I hate how they are anyways.

For one my mom fusses none stop. Its not good for her. I stay with my parents after being out of here for 5 years. I still visited but moved back in after marriage issues. I wake up in my room from sleeping hearing my daughter crying or shes crying cause mom fussing. It can be over the stupidest stuff. It ****** me off so I go and step in then I get bitched at. I try to tell her fussing doesn't work or makes things worse but she don't listen.

My dad is bossy and always angry. I mention I love my kid and how I feel he goes off on me says shes not mine that I can't leave then come back in her life. I didn't want to leave it was them who made me. Its not fair.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do.
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 8, 2013