Sorry

i was just 15teen when i had my son he was just so

beautiful and perfect but things were not so great with my life. you see my mother passed away when i was 11 and my father died when i was 15 i was a child my self and didten even know it untill it was to late i tryed to give my son as much love that my heart had to give but that dosent feed achild and his father had a cleck job in a store but did,t pay enough to really give him the right care i mean enough food neaver had much of any nthing and this wasent how i wanted my son to be raised plass his father started going out more and more we were fighting all the time i didten want my so to be raised on walfare i wanted him to have a good chance in life and i new if i put him up for adoption he would i prayed so i went and started the proceedings to have my son adoption and my heart broke into so many pieces and not a day go,s by or birthday that i think about my little baby boy i wish that i never gave him away it s my selfishness that i feel. and my missing him so much that i that i say these things i would never tell any one to give up there child unless the child would be harm i have try to find my son a few times but had no luck i went to a place were i had him adopted but he did,t try to find me i left a letter when he was adopted but no luck but know im trying toget in touch agian with the agency that i used and im waiting for a call back from them

brutina2008 brutina2008
36-40
3 Responses Mar 19, 2009

HI MY NAME IS BRUTINA THANK YOU ALL THAT EMAILED ME BACK ON WHAT I WROTE ABOUT WHEN I PUT MY SON UP FOR ADOPTION!!I HAVE GREAT NEWS!! I FOUND MY SON!! AFTER SO MANY YEARS OF LOOKING FOR HIM IT WAS SO GREAT TO MEET HIM BUT I FEEL LIKE HE IS NOW KIND OF BACKING OFF FROM ME. HE WAS NEVER FAR FROM WHERE I LIVED. HE WAS IN THE NEXT TOWN. ALL THIS TIME. HE IS MARRIED, WITH TWO CHILDREN ,BUT I HAVE NOT MET THEM YET THE CHILDREN. AND I DO ASK HIM, THATS WHEN I GET A BAD FEELING THAT HE DOESENT WANT A RELATIONSHIP LIKE I DO. I WOULD LOVE TO MEET HIS CHILDREN AND HIS WIFE BUT THERE IS ALWAYS A REASON WHY IT,S NOT THE RIGHT TIME, AND THEN I DID,TEN HEAR FROM HIM AS MUCH, AND NOW I DON,T HEAR FROM HIM AT ALL. I AM GOING TO CALL HIM I THINK AND ASK HIM IF HE WANTS TO BE APART OF MY LIFE, BUT HE SEEMS TO BE BACKING AWAY FROM ME AND I DON,T WANT TO PUSH MY SELF ON HIM AT ALL IM JUST SO THANKFUL THAT AFTER ALL THESE YEARS I FINELLY MET HIM IM HAPPY AND SAD AT THE SAME TIME. SOME TIME I FEEL LIKE HE IS A SHAME OF ME BUT MABEY IT,S JUST ME. IM GOING TO CALL, JUST SO HE KNOWS IM THINKING OF HIM. THANK YOU ALL AGAIN SO IF ANY ONE OUT THERE IS LOOKING FOR A LOVED ONE DON,T GIVE UP IM SURE IT ALOTE FOR HIM TO UNDER STAND AND HE DID HAVE A GOOD LIFE HE,S A TEACHER AND HE WAS LOVED AND I WORRIED ABOUT THAT.AND HE TURNED OUT PRETTY GOOD I JUST HOPE THAT SOME DAY WE CAN HAVE A RELATIONSHIP I WOULD JUST LOVE TO BE A GRANDMOTHER YOU SEE I NEVER HAD ANY MORE CHILDREN.

I respect this has been difficult for you. I can only imagine the sadness you have had to deal with.However I think you have had high expectations for the relationship. You need to go slow. You will not have a mother son relationship and expecting that is unreasonable. You are likely scaring him away. Try simply being his friend for a while, like a year or two or maybe even longer. He has been 20 plus years without you in his life. He will introduce you to his family if and when he is ready.

The reality is that his life is complete without you. That is not his falut or your fault it is just what happens. He has to deal with how he explains a relationship with you to his adoptive family, how he explains you to others in his life. He likely feels conflicted.

I think your idea to call him and ask in if he wants you in his life is the wrong direction. It is like giving him a choice. You need to just allow it to be for awhile.

Be happy that he turned out well, was loved and has had a good life.

You can't place your expectations to be a grandmother on him.

This was a very brave and honorable thing to do, and it was also out of love...Mothers love is very powerful.<br />
One day you will find him again and you will be happy again. Im sure he will look for you. Keep prayers going<br />
for this will speed his return one day. <br />
<br />
Do not despair, he is happy and well. Im sure of it.

i'm so sorry u had to go through that. dont blame urself because u were a child at that time as well...at 15 u cant start making serious life decisions. u handled it all well considering the trouble u were going through. i hope u find ur son one day. i wish u all the best in life!