Can Birthmothers Forget You?

I have only just started reading your stories, so this may have been addressed by someone already.  I am wondering whether you think that a birth mother can be unaffected by giving her newborn up for adoption?   

AgingFatty AgingFatty
36-40, F
7 Responses Mar 12, 2010

I guess everyone is different, but I personally could never forget my son! It will 14 years in October since I went home without him and he has made such a huge impact on my life and who I am. I feel as if there is something missing in my life and I pray the day will come soon that I will get to meet him. I just want to know who he is so bad. I can't wait to see his personality, hobbies, goals, achievements, and most of all I can't wait to put my arms around him and tell him how much I love him and always have.

I think women never forget the children they have...even the ones they don't have. I hope you find your birth mom.

I could never forget my son. I just wish he knew that.

Even when we try to tell ourselves that we can forget, we can't. I thought I had done so good at moving on and "pretending it never happened" but this year my son turned 10 and it was one of the hardest years of my life. Every where I looked there were signs of my past life, my past experience. Ever boy under 10 was a version of him. The names of the people in my life, the agency everything virtually haunted me.<br />
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I pulled out my box of baby memories and realized that I've bought him a birthday card every single year, without even realizing it. My husband tells me that in the years he's known me, I've woken up crying every year on his birthday.<br />
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We remember.

I have wondered the same thing at times because I was adopted myself....taken from my birth mother at age 4 because of neglect. I always wondered if she missed us (my sister 11 months older than me was taken with me). But I also see things from the other side. I gave up a baby for adoption because I wanted her to have a better life than I thought I could give her. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I have never forgotten her and the empty place in my heart has never gone away.

I give those women so much more that just credit. What an amazing, extraordinary, strength to surrender your child. Even if the actual "handing over" is easy, they spend a lifetime wondering about their child. I feel if you're not ready to be a parent, let someone else who is waiting anxiously for the experience have their dreams come true.

They never forget. Every time they see a child they wonder about you. Every holiday.... every day. No they never forget and they usually never forgive themselves. Even if the child has a better life and they know it.