... Imprinted In My Soul

Long distance relationships are hard - no doubt about it. And I have experienced it first hand. So many obstacles come into the way, and I saw them as "tests" for our relationship. .... But sometimes it felt like it wasn't meant to be, and that's how I concluded it.

I gave up my BIGGEST and most HONEST true love.

Not because I cheated on him, nor cause I was taking a disinterest in him... But because I loved him (and still do). His happiness was MY priority, but the hardships our relationship was coming across with, were taking a toll on us. We were more than 5,500 miles apart. But our souls felt close. Every day, arranging a time to talk. Majority over the computer, but special moments required a good phone call. ( His voice and character always put a smile on my face ). Shipping gifts to each other was also a special touch.

He had trouble trusting women again, but I was the special one to change his heart. And I felt blessed to do so. About 10 months long it sustained.... But as much time surpassed us, tighter it got. We had EVERYTHING. The trust. The love, the emotional connection.... all that was left was the physical portion of every relationship. It was the ribbon to this wonderful love.

He had sveral moments where depression would hit him, and he shared to me that he was just worried that he would be alone for the remainder of his life. (He was older than me by large margin, ill add). Even though he had me, he just knew it was a difficult task for us to be "together", and consequently, sooner or later I would have to strive for a different partner. One close to me, one I could hug, hold his hand, kiss, and just BE with, in other words. I felt his words. They touched my heart, but he had a point. Even though I tried to tell him so many times that he WILL find someone and I wanted to be with HIM.

"You are a wonderful man. You're caring, sweet, considerate, loving, humourous, with a great personality. Believe me when I say this: you're all that a woman would want in a man!! Shed be crazy if she passes you up"

I'd affirm him. This was completely true!

As time passed by, I had to make a decision. I didn't want to feel like I have abandoned him, but I just knew it'll be even harder over time to let go. We ended up being distanced little by little. ( My new job required traveling and a new sleeping pattern). And ultimately, we ended up separating and calling it quits. I know my reasons were bogus, but in my heart, it had to be done. Heck yes it was hard, and I knew he wouldn't understand.

From that hour and day on, I swear, I PRAYED every single day to god that he'd sent a woman his way. Preferably from his same city. Someone to give him EVERYTHING that I wish I could. I wouldn't envy her at all if she did. I would feel HAPPY instead!!.

Coming back to the present, I don't know if she has yet ( In sureness )... But from things I've seen, I've gotten the impression that she has.

David was my best friend, my soulmate, my everything. It all felt like a dream, but it really did happen to me. He changed my negative views bout many things. He changed my old lifestyle. He taught me how to REALLY love someone.

Even though I broke his heart, and feel that he may have seen my actions as selfish, and inconsiderate, and for this reason, restricting his communication with me, I just want to say that I did it all for HIM. Seeing him happy makes me intensely happy. And for all it's worth, it was a sacrifice I'm still learning to live with (even 10 months later). I still think about him every single day to this day, and shed tears when I do (even as I type this story). But it shall always be in me. A portion of my heart is eternally occupied by him.

Therefore this is my story, of the love I let go.

*sigh :-/
MizShagtastic MizShagtastic
22-25, F
Dec 6, 2010