Gay 8th Grade Crush

Well first of all this my first story and first time I've ever been to this website. The reason I'm here is because I'm lost. Well let's just say I have a crush on my married male science teacher. For those who are wondering yes I'm 13. I also know that this crush or fantasy will and should never come true. To make long story short,this is how it happend. It was the first day of school and it was time to enter third period. I didn't know any of my teachers even though I've been to that school for two years. But when I entered class I saw my science teacher sitting on his desk. From that point on I've thought he was attractive.( Don't Judge my sexuality because I'm still figuring it out).(I've also had girlfriends so let's just say I'm bisexual at the moment). At first I thought he was alright and that I just had a crush on him because I liked him for his looks. But as the week went on I really found out that he has an amazing personality. As the other weeks of school started I would notice that he would sometimes stare at me(or so I think). Therefore I would admire him from my desk all period long. Sometimes I would notice him passing by at lunch and would admire him from there. But after still having a crush on him for almost 5 1/2 months I noticed that it wasn't a crush. Every night I would stay up and think about him. Thinking that maybe tommorow he would talk to me or even notice me. But after nothing happening I started to lose faith that anything would happend(At the beginning of the crush I was blinded and didn't think of the negatives of the outcome like him losing his job,wife,and going to jail). So as time passed the crush has been more controllable and now I would think less about him. But he would still keep me awake every night. I also meet this girl in fourth period who I think is hot and who also has a nice personality during those 5 1/2 months. From that point on I've had tried to focus more on her and less on him. But it truly is hard to focus more on her and does hurt me that I love him and that he doesn't love me back. So I ask you guys on advise on how to get over him. Since me loving him is hopeless. I know that you guys might say that what do I know about love and that I'm only 13. But I've truly never felt this way about someone before. Any advise besides letting time pass and focusing more on the girl than him would help. Also please don't say that I'm only jail bate
An Ep User An EP User
4 Responses Jan 15, 2013

First you need to figure out what you want. Then You can finally move forward from this crush

First you need to figure out what you want. Then You can finally move forward from this crush

Hi,

I just wanted to reach out to you - I know EXACTLY what you are feeling...when I was 13 I was completely and totally in love with my science teacher (a woman - I am female). Completely obsessed and never before had feelings this strong. I had been experiencing a lot of abuse at home - she would talk to me about it - I would get so overwhelmed that I could hardly speak...I told no one...when I graduated 8th grade it was the hardest day of my life. The pain of losing her was unbearable.
I started high school, and time goes by, and it gets a little better, but I never got over her. Well, let me tell you - twenty years have gone by, and I just recently wrote to her to tell her what an incredible influence she was in my life. I expressed strong feelings, but nothing even close to the way I loved her. She immediately wrote me back, and was so glad to hear from me - told me she wanted to take me out for dinner. Unbelievable, right? I have since been to her house as well, and I feel much love from her. I have to say though that it's like my heart has finally healed. After reconnecting all the pain was gone and somehow my feelings are different - I still love her, but just not in that same way.
Maybe you could let this teacher know how influential he has been in your life and how special he has been to you. At least you would be able to get some of your feelings out. My heart goes out to you. That was some of the worst pain ever and I wish I could take it away for you, but I am here to say it does get better. Please feel free to let me know how you are doing,. I'd love to hear from you.

Peace my friend.

I hope you're doing ok. I was in the same position as you many years ago and had a major crush on my English teacher (female-female). I lusted after her for 4 years (a longggg time) and I longed to get over it. I found that avoiding seeing her whenever possible meant my feelings kind of faded into the background more. Maybe try speaking to the girl you mentioned? See if you could like her? It may take your mind off of him a little.
I know it's so so difficult as I too was consumed by thoughts of my teacher and to this day I do think of her! She was amazing! But stay strong and smile! Try getting distracted and more involved in your school work perhaps too

Wow I really thank you for your reply and advice. Reading this made me even more motivated to move on. But yet writing this makes me think of him so much and how much I miss him since school ended. My feelings for him are just as strong as they were when I first met him. But like you said, I have to move on. Because I still have my whole life ahead of me. By the way I did become closer to that one girl I talked about. But sadly me and her are going to different high schools, I also later pictured her more like a best friend than a girlfriend. Again I really appreciate the advice and reply. P.S I wish you the best in life.

That's really sweet thank you and you're welcome. I left school 8 years ago but I still really have feelings for this teacher of mine and I really wish I could tell her now and it could be something we'd laugh about and chat over. She is just an amazing person really and an inspiration to me too.

I really feel for you and what you're going through so I just had to respond- especially as your sexuality was also something you mentioned because I too went through the same thing. Remember you can only be yourself and the truer you are to yourself the happier you will be (once you figure out what that is) - dont rush it and time will reveal to you what your path in life will be!

I hope it helps to know you're not the only one who is going through this- if it helps I can tell you some of the feelings I experienced too at school? ....
So when I realised I had a crush I accepted it but it kinda got worse and I really fell for my teacher - totally loved her. She was all I could think about at night, I'd dream of her lots and I'd make any excuse to pass by her class or talk to her. Her looks at me felt like they lasted hours even though they were seconds! Totally besotted with her!
In my case it didn't lessen and I just accepted it wa something that I couldn't shake. I started getting involved with a friend to distract me but after that ended my love for my teacher was still there! Crazy. I think when you have a deep adoration for someone it is so hard if not impossible to get rid of but it's normal too to experience it. Sorry that was longer than I intended! I hope that helped again :)