Sick.

i always get into the deepest fights with friends and somehow interpret that as a sign that we are both struggling for the relationship...i don't know if that's because i grew up in a home where my parents were always screaming at each other, that i interpreted that as the way you show love (no that just sounds like a bunch of psycho babble). but the truth is i do. i realized it now as i was browsing experiences and saw how most people say they don'k like fighting...i wish i didnt. because my stupid ego hasn't learnt that the fights lose me the relationships i am trying so hard to save anyway...the worst part of it is that i have always been attracted to people who somehow tolerate it. so when will i ever learn its enough?? all my friendships have been defined this way. my first best friend in school was a girl who i emotionally bullied for years...but she stuck by me. fought with and for me..... i wish i could have told her sorry...in university i had an amazing friend who tolerated every nasty habit about me...at the moment i actually feel her tolerating the fact that i don't want her around and haven't for almost 3 years...my first real boyfriend...we would always get into the most twisted emotional battles...and now...in my online world...every friend i have, i fight with eventually...the intensity and pleasurable part of it i will explain later.......bf.
TheRealMimi TheRealMimi
31-35, F
1 Response Mar 11, 2010

I grow up in a home where parents used to yell at each other all the time and father was a dominating figure .Mother always gave up.In my childhood i always seek comfort in staying alone in my room and listening music to avoid their shouting.Out come of this background is ,,,i always hate arguments and some times give up in the fear of fight while i feel i shouldn;t. choose very carefully friend who is nice and will not argue.Listning music have become my permanent habiy when i am upset.