When You Tell the Parents, It Typically Ends the Friendship

My son is now 10.  In the past 2 years I have had 3 experiences with very rude children who are his age and family friends.

Once an 8 year old girl was threatening to squirt her juice box on me.  I firmly told her three times, NOT to do it.  She ended up squirting it all over my legs and shorts.  ( she had also been very cruel to several of the neighborhood children ). When her Mom came to pick her up, she asked if the child had been good and I told her NO and explained the situation.  She didn't make the kid apologize and said she would "talk to her at home".   We didn't hear from them for about 3 months.  Dad became ill and Mom wanted me to drive across town to cart this brat to soccer practice.  I ignored her voicemails and she had the AUDACITY to ask if they had done something to offend me.  

The other was this past weekend.   The family is close friends of ours.  The 10 year old child spent the night and then went to the beach with us the next day.  My husband had to get onto the boys for throwing a ball in the house..he told them, "if you break something it is going to get ugly".  This boy looks at my husband and said, "I'm looking at ugly".   The next day at the beach he made several rude remarks, the final one was about the beach towel I had brought for him.  Another friend of ours told him to say thank you. The kid refused and continued to be rude.  She called the Mom and told her.  When we got the kid home, he went inside without saying thank you ( he had not said it all weekend, so why start now ). Mom came out and said she had heard about the incident and that she would "talk to him" and make him call and apologize.   Personally,  I don't want a forced apology.  She knew what he had done and she SHOULD have made him face up to it right then and there...

Not sure if it will end the friendship,  but we have worked very hard teaching our child manners.  I don't want him around a kid who is a bad influence.



TheRunningNurse TheRunningNurse 41-45 21 Responses Jul 13, 2009

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well someone with more than haalf a brain its about time

wow. Im gong to say you all have some valid points, yes even tullick does. I am not going to pick this apart point by point though, not right now at least.

I think there is a fine line between thing like discipline and abuse. For example tullicks friend who spanked her children for behavior that was reasonable only because the parent in question wasn't doing their job would be abusive. Now if the child was intentionally hurting another child after repeated explanations and other appropriate steps the spankings may have been discipline, but that line is for further discussion.

What i see in a lot of these stories is plain bad parenting. Children who are given the love, attention, nutrition and thoughtfulness/education that they need do not behave this way. This behavior is only age appropriate if they are not being parented properly.

Sadly modern society (im really only educated in north american society) expects a lot out of adults that tends to become sacrifices in parenting. As an example schools teaching children more then parents do. Both parents having to work and children be raised by nannies. More interaction with electronics then organics. Many parents don't have any clue or the available energy to raise children.

either way, i am willing to admit that i do not know every detail and this is just one person view of events and therefore anything i say is opinion based judgement. I am also willing to say thank you i am happy you shared your story Nurse.

"Tulick says, "i have been after EP to get some spell check"...........YEE HAW ! "Get some spell check" !! FYI, spellcheck isn't going to change the fact that your grammar is pitiful, punctuation is non exsistant and you don't know when to use a capital letter. These are all simple tasks that you should have mastered well before the 5th grade. How do you expect people to take you seriously, when you appear so ignorant ?"

ok first of all this is a comment section of a social networking site not a doectoral thesis, not a presidencial adress not even a story so who cares about pucuation or capital letters these are not complex sentences here and my grammar is just fine typos on the other hand are a differnt story

but you have no trouble understanding me or what i write you just don't agree with me you are also terrified that i have a point hints why you spend time bashing my typing skills to detract from it

cut the family off from their life fine although its pretty hypocritical for her to bash these people's parenting skills then not use the opportunity she has to be a positive in the kids life something she would do if she was half as concerned about society as she paaints herself to be having a complete meltdown over these kids

cut the family off from their life ok thats fine if she wants her son to be a lonely person with nothing but his mannners and no one to share anything in life with because his mother drove his freinds and any potential freinds away

cut them out of their life fine BUT BE HONEST ABOUT IT she should have TOLD them never bring your kid near mine again if she felt that way she should have said NO i won't take your kid to soccer

instead on all counts she takes the snobby, snooty way out (there's also another word for it that i will not put here) and says nothing when they pick up the child and don't live up to her dicipline standards then ignores the phone calls of the woman as is appauled she would ask if she could take the kid to socer instead of simply saying no and why

of course if she says why she doesn't want to she opens the door to looking petty pethetic and grouge holding to an 8 year old child over a juice box aand i'll let you in on a little secret she KNOWS how petty silly and UN- ADULT that sounds and thats wy she didn't

i don't know why she thinks she has a right to complain about the parents or the parenting skills as they didn't beging yelling and screamng and how dare you and calling names ex. when told about their child's behavior but said they would talk to her

and if it was my child i would take her home and talk to her maybe make sure she didn't go to anyones house like that for awhile but other than that no i probablly wwouldn't make her appologize because i would have sized the athor up for what she was an obbsessive control freak channaling bree vandicamp who can't stand to have a hair out of place nevermind the disorganization children bring to anything (and thus proabably shouldn't have any but thats a moot conversaion) who has astick up their butt and needs to relax before the explode or emplode and i would keep my kid away from her

Tulick says, "i have been after EP to get some spell check"...........YEE HAW ! "Get some spell check" !! FYI, spellcheck isn't going to change the fact that your grammar is pitiful, punctuation is non exsistant and you don't know when to use a capital letter. These are all simple tasks that you should have mastered well before the 5th grade. How do you expect people to take you seriously, when you appear so ignorant ?

Back to the orgin of this thread, there is nothing that would change my mind about this child and dealing with her parents. I too would have cut this family out of my circle of friends. The parents of the child should have immediately taken control of their child. Talked to her and then made her apologize. From my understanding, they did nothing when informed of her behavior except, "we'll talk to her later...." . Had my child acted in such a way, I would have been mortified and would have bent over backwards to apologize to these people.

i did read the story i read the part where she told the paarents when they caame to get the child if it was a block party she could have marched the child home informed the parents and left the child there

i also read in the story that no the kid was not made to appologize but the parent said they would talk to the child and it is a mark of the kind of paarents these really are that they did not blow up (as the author has done here) and rail on her for correcting their kid

and the author did not have to ignore the parent just simply tell her no but instead she does ignore them and then wants to come here and tout her manners as superior while she bashes an 8 year old kid notice that she too resorted to name callling

you must know that i come from a known and rational planet if all you can resort to is insulting my typing and your 8 year old is a better typist so what as for spelling i have been after EP to get some spell check for the comment section why don't you make that your project instead of insulting me

and if i was illiterate i wouldn't even understand the story- and you caannot say that i don't so you wanna try again

I am not sure what planet you come from Tulick, but you are one miserable, misguided person.

Go back and read the orginal story from The Nurse. She clearly stated that she informed the parents of this child's behavior.The parents didn't bother to make the child apologize or attempt to make amends until several months later when they needed someone to cart their kid around.

I would have done the same thing as The Nurse. If the parents are not going to correct the behavior when it is clearly pointed out, it is a waste of time to argue with them about it months later. It is more gracious to just stay away from people like that because they are not going to change their behavior.

What the nurse did was show these people she is not their doormat. Sounds like they need to get used to it.

I hope you are sterile tulick because you don't sound like a very rational person. ( Not to mention borderline illiterate. My 8 year old can string together a more grammatically correct sentence than you. Your spelling is horrible and you don't know when to use punctuation or capitalization. I hate to nag, but if you did have something useful to say, it would be lost in your inability to command the English language.

so you teach your kid to listen to every crazy person just because they are an adult i don't think so unless you want the kid far more messed up than this one from being abused

and whether i know what i'm talking about or not the author of the story had the option durring the block party of marching this kid to her house and informing the parents

as to proper manners before we examine mine or the kids lets get a few facts streight it is not proper manners to ignore someone's phone calls rather than be honest with them and tell them no

if she felt that strongly about it she could have told the parent right then never to bring her kid anywhere near them again but my guess is she didn't do that and thus got the call about socer

but no it was ignore the mother and be appualed and offended the mother even asked

and lets not forget this grown woman is holding a grudge agaainst an 8 year old child evryone is so concerned that the bad influence will rub off on the good kid what if the good influence rubbed off on the "bad" kid

what if instead of acting like a total adult brat themselves the author tried to give this kid what they weren't getting at home love and gidance instead of just writing her off

she blasts the parents for not doing their job(even though she has no idea if thats true) but doesn't take avantage of oppotuniites to be a postive in the kids life yet she is somehow better she was appauled the 8 year old called the cancer kid ugly but comes here and calls the kid bratzilla

it is not the parent of the kid that needs to wake up or should i say grow up its the author of this story

Running Nurse, your psychoanalysis was pretty much on the money in my opinion.

Buttlick seems utterly clueless. I am not sure if it is immaturity, ignorance or lack of having been taught proper manners as a child herself.

A child, especially one who has been left in the care of others DOES have to listen to adults rules and guidance. What is going to happen in a few years when this kid decides it is ok to throw a drink on someone else ? Did you know that it is legally considered an assault ? Sounds to me like her parents never had control of her and the older she gets, the worse she will be. Kudos to yourself and your friends for cutting off a friendship with this family.

We had a similar family in the neighborhood whose son was a bully and a thief. The parents were born again Christians, who felt their children did nothing wrong. I had items stolen from my home and property damage. The parents refused to discipline their kids. Today, their oldest son is sitting in jail. The rest of the families in our neighborhood will not their own children play with the 2 middle school age children who are still at home.

So yes, let your kid be a brat and they will wind up very very lonely.

make whaever pronoucements you want to about me and i am just as outspoken in public when i choose to be

if i was a coward i wouldn't be saying this at all

the only points i'm trying to "argue" are the things no one seemed to think of and the really sad thing is peopole who read this and you don't care

these aare not outbursts they are comments you just do not want to be challenged in your thinking

and technically this kid didn't have to listen to you as you were not her parent or a teacher or a police officer this was a block party so it wasn't youe house so why oh why do you care ???????????

another thing you definately havent thought of this kid may have been or may be being abused this kid may have mental health issues who knows

a school once took a radical appoach to bullies they started solving some of the bullies problems and low and behold they stopped bullying

And all of what i've said and what you just said aside it doesn't excuse you being the epitome of rude yourself ignoring the mother instead of saying no to taking the kid to scoer practice

it doesn't excuse your inabillity to handle issues with kids like marching her to her parents home and letting them deaal with it

it doesn't excuse you not gently demostrating politeness to the boy in this story and it doesn't excuse the fact that you are still obviously an uptight control freak who want kids to be mini 40 year olds

it doesn't change the fact that i would bet half my life on the fact that you bring this kind of stuff out in kids because you are completely cluless about them

i have more hope for batzilla than i do for you and i feel so sorry for your son as you will drive all of his freinds away from him and he will hate you for it

Dearest Tulick

The child was not being "playful". She was firmly told THREE times not to squirt the juice box on me. It wasn't a mere squirt...she emptied the entire Capri Sun onto me. She was just trying to show me that she didn't have to follow instruction or listen to what an adult tells her to do. I watched her numerous times do this to her own parents, or throw tantrums so bad that they had to carry her out of an establishment because she didn't get what she wanted ( and her Dad always tries to get her what she wants ).

She was well aware that Lizzie was a cancer survivor and how close that child came to death. Ironically, our Lizzie was, and still is a much more attractive child than Bratzilla.

This event was a block party and there was plenty of supervision. Bratzilla would ride her bike as fast as she could into groups of children and then skid on the brakes. She was told numerous times to stop and one man on our street took her bike away. She just waited, got onto another bike and then injured a child. The parents were so angry that they went home ( and I believe they had words with these parents also ).

Her behavior has caused the entire family to be outcasts. She is not invited to birthday parties and the soccer team quit having "team socials" because no one wants to deal with a child who is out of control.

Luckily they lasted one more season and then got the message.

You seem to be alot like this child. You like to disagree for the sake of attempting to argue with someone. My guess is that you have a severe inferiority complex and feel that you lack control in your own life....thus the outbusts on a message board against strangers. I am willing to bet that you are not nearly this outspoken in person, but a mere coward hiding behind a keyboard. How sad for you. However, like this child and her family, life goes on for the rest of us and we don't have to sit around feeling "enraged".

and thats the thing about this story this kid is 8 she was i would bet dimes to dougnuts being playful with the juice box not rude

she i waould bet dimes to doughnuts again didn't know the kid she called ugly was a concer survivor just some funny looking kid and no one explaained it to her not even the author who had the chance

and being the situation it was the paarent wasn't there to correct her and the author was too busy being offended to think maybe she should

as if kids don't need reminders

and the boy insead of reminding him what the polite thing was she expected him to know and do like a little robot totallly disregarding the situation that he didn't want to be in and a beach towel i am convinced wqas hidious

the author not the parents or the kids was wrong in this case by sheer overasction

i do not think the kids in this situation were trude or bratty i think they were age appoarate kids

now aabout this story it is about the OVER REACTION to a kid (no doubt playfully squirting someone with a juice box she probsbly thought it was funny) but instead of putting her in time out and making sure she didn't get another juice box that if it was hot and she got thirsty ws only given water the author was too busy being appalled that a kid acted lilke a kid

Just like with the injured child why wasn't someone watching all the kids and if those two got in a fight or were being to rough see that they were seperated to avoid issues of any kind and sense the word lawsuite wasn't bandied about i'm assuimimg the injury wasn't that bad and i bet something else you dont know it was intentional or mean and not just careless

as for the cancer surviver that got called ugly did the girl know that she was a cancer survivor when she said it if not then i'm guessing the kid did look ugly to an 8 year old kids are honest untl we teach them to lie

and instead of saying to the girl don't say that about people its not nice how would you like it if someone called you that and explaining why not to say that particularly to that kid the author was too busy being appuled that a kid acted like a kid

then can't even be civil and honest with the mother later on yet comes here and has the nerve to tell this story as if her maners are superior when they are clearly not especally for an adult

instead of being aa postive in these kids lives and showing them guiding them she is too busy being aappauled that a kid acted like a kid just lke with the boy when he didnh't say thank you for what i am convinced was a hidious towel gentaly telling him what the poilite thing to do is she is too busy holding a grudge agaist children

it further illisraes my point that the author has problems with kids when the parents didn't blow up didn't say how dare you talk about my kid exc. but said they would talk to the kid it is also telling that when the boys mother said she would have him call and appologize that her issue wasn't he never called but that she didn't want aa forced applogy- as if you get anything else in that situation

i worry about the values she is teaching her son as he has or will hear/see phone conversations like the one had with the girls mother i wonder how her son got such good manners when she knows nothing about age apporeate behavior or how to handle situations with kids

Not only that bu she is fast dirving kids away from her and her son which she will hae him for when all the kids say don't go to his house his moms mean

she is also teaching her kid to be an uptight control freak who doesn't know how to be a kid just a maanners drivien freaked out 40 year old

i have NO kids and want no kids however i watched as my freind brought hers to my house spanked her 4 year old no less than 3 times for basically being 4 and hyper because instead of brining toy cars or someting he could play with on the floor that would allow him to move his body and not be in trouble all she brough was books and crayons knowing he's a sqirmer who haasn't sat still sese he could move

she expected her middle child not yet 2 to sit in the stroller seat for the hour and a half she was there he's the most layed baack kid i know who hardly fusses and he wouldn't shut up i finally put him on the floor and he was fine until he was playing with an empty trashcan and pulling up on an end table trying to walk

she got mad at the oldest for romping in the floor with his brother and spanks him for something i didn't understand reminds him he's loosing he privlage of aa liked TV show he only seemed to care about because she kept mentioning it and puts the youngest back in the stroller seat

then as time wears on the oldest is standing by the door wanting to go home and eventually starts fanning the door out of absolute bordom she gets on to him repeatedly where as i said nothing until e looked like he might boalt out the door

at one point he looks at her and says stop busting my butt then when she does try to get him to come to her so she can ask him something he stays where he is for fear of spanking

she repatedly tells him early on to quit grabbing himself the second time she scolds him the next thing out of his mouth was potty which earned him an eyeroll from his mother-which i figured it out the first time

my point being these kids aare not brats my full trashcan was untouched the courds coming out of my TV though multi colored didn't even warrent a look the door to my room stayed closed as i left it and there was no reason for her to spend 99% of the visit being drill sargent if i had a problem she knows me i would have spoken up but i expected them to aact their ages nothing more

well it sounds exaxtly like what both you and the author expect if you both are flipping out that much over a squrired jucie box you wand robots you want mini 40 year olds and that is both unrealistic and impossible

acually its people like who people need less of in their lives not those kids i'd take them over all of you any day

and before you call me illiterate i would read the story again it says the kid squired not threw the drink

Hey RunningNurse seems like we have a serious TROLL on this board.........and illiterate one at that (yes, Tulick I am referring to you )

The children you have described sound like heathens. It is their parents fault because neither has disciplined their child or made them apologize. An 8 year old that throws her drink on adult !? Had a child done that to me, I would have called her parents to come and get her IMMEDIATELY.

As for the other boy, I don't know a 10 year old who WOULDN'T want to go to the beach with his friends. He too sounds like a holy brat, which is probably why his parents pawned him off on you.

In any case, people such ourselves, and our children are better off without children such as that in our lives. I too have had several experiences with rude, nasty, undisciplined children and it is healthier to cut out these type of friendships.

annd it is obvious to me that you act like an uptight control freak who is unfortunatly teching her child to be the same and a doormat on top of it

the boy did not want to be there!! WHY SHOULD HE SAY THANK YOU FOR BEING PAWNED OFF ON SOMONE ELSE ????

it is a maark of the manners that he does have that he said nothing and how do i know that the beach towel you bought him was either pink or sporting spoung bob or something equally embarassing for a 10 yeaar old boy and you wonder why you didn't get a thank you ???

as for the girl she gunked up your shoes and make your legs sticky- fix for that paper towels and water

did she know that the kid she called ugly was a cncer surviver

how bad was the injury to the other child and how intenional was it waas it meaness or ignorance/carelessness

she is 8 she was likely being playful with the juice box and you don't know the mother never diciplined the child all you know is she didn't make her appologize

and what is so wrong with the mothers social skills for asking someone she thought was a freind if they could take her kid to scoer practice as oppos to you who ignored her rather than use the manners and social skills you tout jd be honest or simply say no

why is is you and the freinds you concent to hang out with (i.e. the parents of the injured child) expect kids to act like minature 40 year olds kids are kids expect them to act like it and you won't have so many problems

Dear Tulick

Please do not feel for my child. He is well liked, smart and has impecable manners.

As for the child that went to the beach with us, I did not invite him. He had spent the night and the Mom was supposed to pick him up the following day. She was aware of our plans to go to the beach and at the last minute, as we were packing the car called to ask if her child could come with us. She did not provide any essentials for the child--no towel, no swimsuit, NOTHING.

This child did not thank us at any time during the weekend. When I delivered him to his home, he still did not thank us and his Mom ( who had been made aware of the situation by the other Mom via cellphone ) did not make him thank us or apologize.

It wasn't just me who was horrified by his behavior, it was another parent who went to the beach as well.

As with the girl who squirted me with juice. I had told her THREE TIMES not to squirt it on me. We were at a party and while it did not injure me, it did gunk up my shoes and make my legs sticky. She had been a brat the entire day, she was been very nasty to another child (a cancer survivor) and called her "ugly". She injured another child whose parent was so mad they left the party.

Again, the parents were informed of her behavior and didn't bother to discipline the child or make her apologize for actions. Again, like the other child, this was not the first time she had behaved very badly, this was just the proverbial straw that broke the camels back. After that incident, we decided that we did not want this family as friends. And yes, I was APPAULED that the mother of this child had the AUDACITY to call me to take her child to soccer practice. It is obvious that the child is learning her manners and social skills from her Mom.

your holding a grudge agaist an 8 yer old for squirting a juice box on you and then you want to tout your manners to everyone here and what you try to teach your kids

but you couldn't be civil or honest with the woman and say no i won't take your child to scoer i haven't heard from you in 3 months then when she asks you- you aact like she's got some nerve asking

maybe she didn't think you were petty enough to hold a gudgre against a child over something silly you got sprayed with a juice box you didn't die you weren't injured if you were silly enough to wear expensive clothing aroud kids well thats on you

you don't know whether she talked to the kid or not you have no proof oherwise

as for the boy why did your husband say that he waalked right into it instead of saying you break something and you'll spend your weekends here working it off in chores DAH!

as for the beach towel well why didn't you talk with the parents to make sure he brought his own- end of problem

and he obviously didn't like it- he's a kid and he was honest so what

and even if the mother had made him face up and appologize do you honestly think you would have gotten more than a forced appology

and did you eve stop to think the kid might not have wanted to be there at all that the parents saw this as a good way to get rid of the kid for the weekend hints some of the behaavior

Did you ever consider its you and how you interact with kids that brings out this behavior in children as you have so many run ins with kids

i fear for your kids not the others

why do you care ???????????????????????

It is sad when the parenting skills show so drastically with the children.