Maybe It's Because Of My Childhood?

No matter the relationship between me and someone, I always get incredibly attached if I like their personality.
I think it may have something to do with my childhood. As far back as I can remember my parents were always high, my dad was an alcoholic with schizophrenia. He was a construction worker and my mom was a ********.
My father is a very jealous and abusive man. I can remember countless times that he's beat my mother and I, seemed liked every picture day I was "sick" and couldn't go to school. The real reason is because I either had a new black eye or busted lip. My dad used to come home drunk at 3 in the morning and hit us, one night I distinctly remember. He came home drunk out of his mind as usual and drug me out of bed by my hair all the way into the kitchen. He slammed me up against the wall and told me not to even think about moving. He then started going through the knife drawer, I wanted to run so bad but my fear had me frozen. He finally pulled out a butcher knife, he grabbed my hair and pulled me head back. He placed the knife on my neck, I thought that this is it, he's really going to kill me this time. Pushing the edge of the blade against my throat he looked at me with tears and hatred in his eyes and screamed at me. He said "I heard that you told the babysitter that I beat you all the time, you're not even my daughter you stupid little *****." I was petrified. My mom woke up and came into the kitchen and started screaming at him, she never physically tried stopping him. He now moved the knife under my chin, he cut me. Not enough to where I needed stitches or anything but I was beeding. He then swung around and slit from his wrist all the way up to his elbow. Then came the knock on the door, a neighbor had called the police. They questioned my dad about the massive cut on his arm but he just told them that he was making steak and accidentally cut himself. They didn't buy it thank god they took him to jail. After that night I still got my regular beatings, and he only threatened to kill me one other time. But that's a whole different story. A few years passed from then and nothing changed except for the fact that we got evicted and we're living with various friends and his brother.
My brothers and I went into foster care in December of 2003. Overall my experiences with foster homes are better than my previous home life but still bad at the same time, once again that's a story for another time. By the time I had turned 14, I had been through 2 different agencies and 6 diffent homes. I've always kept to myself so I wouldn't cause any trouble, I was quiet. But if you showed me attention then you automatically became my favorite person. I'm trying to work on not being so clingy and attached but as you all know its easier said than done. Thanks for reading.
KentuckyBeauty7 KentuckyBeauty7
18-21, F
2 Responses Jan 18, 2013

I can relate to your experience of getting attached really easily to a person. I think it does come from our troubled childhoods. If you look up the word "ambivalent / anxious attachment," you might find some clarity. God bless.

Hello, I am lu. Although my experiences are thoroughly different then yours, I can say I understand your attached personality, as I am sort of the same but with a few differences. I am sorry that that has all happened to you and I know that means absolutely nothing to you as I'm sure you've heard it a variety of times. But I just wanted you to know you (as cliche as this is about to sound) are not alone..
-lu

Thank you, it's mean a lot to me that you care enough to read and comment. I know I'm not alone, and that there are people that have/had it way worse than I did. I just wanted to share my reasoning. And again thank you :)

No problemo, just felt the need to comfort. :)