My Thoughts On Jealousy

One thing to remember is Jealousy is as unique to each person as each person is to the world.  I can only speak to my marriage and what it has done to it over the years.  Recently my wife and I went through hard times and by seeing the heartfelt deep pain I had caused her in a counseling session it actually broke the chain of my jealous personality.  First of all it starts with how you feel in comparison to your mate/spouse/significant other.  If you feel they are more attractive/smart/funny than you and are attractive to others then there are going to be feelings of Jealousy, age between you may also encourage the emotion because those that are attracted to your mate maybe fairly younger than you.  The other key attribute that I found is how you perceive others in your social group and how you and your partner interact differently with others outside of your relationship.  My wife is very open and can be fun-go-loving when in public.  When I feel that I am not getting as much attention as I deserve and others are it can make me jealous.  Insecurity in yourself is a big part of it, you may not feel worthy to have such a person in your life, threatened by what may be lost if you lose them, even the loss of communication can lead to Jealousy when you see them building a relationship easily with others.  Finally it really has a lot to do with your trust in the other person and if you are a trusting person yourself.  What Jealousy will do is separate your spouse from you by building wall of resentment to protect themselves for these emotions and acts of Jealousy in public and private that often occur.  They will start to push their feelings inward and eventually toward something other than you.  The only solution is to communicate, we all get afraid to express our emotions in a controlled manner because we may hurt feelings or are just to scared, but most of us don’t mind hurting feelings when we angry.  Jealousy turning into hurt feelings not expressed = ANGER.  Get help from a third party (councilor) to start communicating.  Men open up and let them know how sorry you are.  If possible see the total devastation you have cause your partner, realize their actions are partly your fault by creating the opportunity for them to withdraw from you.  In my case I got to see my wife’s total emotional breakdown that completely ripped my heart out, thereby removing my Jealousy.  Many of us try to stop being Jealous but until we understand the root cause and devastating effects we struggle with that intense emotion.  SEEK HELP it is too hard to do on your own.  Take care.

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41-45, M
Feb 19, 2010