Cant Get Control Back At Will

A smart person solves problems...a wise person avoids them"   Einstein.

Hi pumpkin 76, used to share ur line  of thinking.... even felt  like such an  authority on good  living, not now,  I'm not. Just trying to say that there is one thing we were denied in life and that is the  right to take back control at  will.   im only 30 but  3 months  back i got this  condition which today, after spending  loads  of money on treatment, i realized was  full blown claustrophobia. Today i cant move upto 3km from  my house with out getting all breathless, light headed  even  fainted when i tried to drive regardless. I;ve traveled all my life, love my work, achieved things that some of my age mets haven;t like  having owned upto 13 cars by age 30....and building a big house for my  family in the city, and bought 3 acres of land around the  suburbs  4  a rainy day . know its not much but down here in Uganda its quite up there.  This is why i couldn;t  understand my  condition. Always  letting go  of things  and  being above  all argument and anger issues got  me where im today.  my underlying problems  have been my disrespectful/abusive/ungrateful/arrogant  wife  with  whom i have two kids Malcolm 5 and Kaylah 2yrs, a few  childhood  problems  with my step mum, a disatisfied customer, coz i haven't worked in three months. now most  people would say , why not dump the  wife  and move on, down here it doesnt work like that especially when one  is married in church. Tried to bring it up with my  parents  but my family couldnt hear of it .   Weve been   maried three years now but have  been involved  since 1998 while we were still in high school. Things have gotten worse since i stoped  work, our rship  has soared, i had separated with my wife  but had to come back  to the house because worrying about  my kids made me  more sick. Im grounded and she cant understand  how a healthy agressive  young man can become a siting duck, cant blame  her couldnt understand it either.  been told  to see  a psycho therapist after spending thousands of dollars on treatment, we dont have many down here but  i will try to  find one, anything to get me  back on my feet. Need to act fast  cause afew  days back i got a bank problem , cant discuss it with my wife  cause  she will make  a big fuss... guess thats  what happens  when  you are a sittting  duck .

what i wanted to stress to Pumpkin76 is that some times even when you rise above all these arguements and anger issues, they find ways  to haul u back in. its  happened to me and it aint pretty.   You cant take  back control at will.


dwaik dwaik
31-35, M
2 Responses Mar 9, 2010

Thanks Karla, I appreciate that message of hope...........<br />

wow sound like your having panic atacks that are pretty bad<br />
ive been thew so much of what you have been threw living in a 20 year marrage of abuse menatal ,phyisal the works its not easy , so i took my daughter and left that repationship this november it will be 10 years . now iam in a very happy marrage i didnt thnk atthe age of 40 i would ever be marred again but my life started changing in 2001, <br />
i reached out to god to help me do what i needed to do at the time i was with a abusive drunk it neearly cost me my life most of all it would have costmy daughter her moma.<br />
so any way it was the hardest thing i ever went threw being on my own raising and supporting my daughter in a demostic volince wones shelter . but thngs got better i was in councling for all te abuse i suffred and the abuse i suffrend as a child . my mother beat us children and my father did unspeakable things to us girls . but i want you to know there is hope with god he will carry you in this painful matter .<br />
so now today iam 45 happly married and still in councling it took me along time to find a good councler to help me with all my panic atacks and all my issues of abuse . but healing has started but at times it can be so painful . dont give up you will make it threw this you have a friend in me . ur friend karla