I Am Just So Tired...

I am so tired. Tired of feeling. Tired of fighting. Tired of being responsible. Tired of pretending things are good. Tired of acting like everything is fine and all things will work out. Tired of broken promises and faded dreams. Tired of people who want nothing more than to see others fail. Tired of laying awake and never getting rest.

I hate it. I hate that I feel down all the time. I hate that I can not fix everything. I hate that sometimes there is nothing I can do. I hate that I worry. I hate that I care. I hate that I give everything I have and leave nothing for myself. I hate that you don`t understand. I hate that I never have a moment to myself, yet always feel alone. I hate her. I hate that she finds a way to make things harder for us all the time. I hate that I hate myself. I hate that I let what you say and do hurt me. I hate that what you don`t say or do hurts me. I hate that what I don`t say or do hurts me.

I am sorry. I am sorry that I am not one of those people who can just smile through the pain. I am sorry that we can`t just talk things over and watch the problems disappear. I am sorry that I have to force myself get out of bed, because I just want to stay under the blankets hidden away from my life. I am sorry that I can`t just let go. I`m sorry that time is passing me by while I wallow in self pity. I am sorry I am not stronger. I`m sorry I am not what you need me to be, what I need to be for myself.

I am worried. I am worried I`ve made huge mistakes. I`m worried that they might not have the life they deserve. I`m worried I am too weak to stay...to weak to go. I am worried that I`m teaching you to feel this way too. I`m worried that he doesn`t really love me. I am worried that one day I`ll wake and that my life will have passed by. I am worried that I can`t keep going forward. I am worried that I might not want to.

An Ep User An EP User
Jan 19, 2013