Whoops!

Well, ok, so I'm NOT the perfect wife anymore. *I* did something childish.  *ME*.  The one who would NEVER act like THAT.  I DID.  

So the rule is if I put laundry in the washer, to move it to the dryer that day.  And If I'm not going to be able to move it over, don't put it in.  Simple enough.  So I put the laundry in Sunday? Monday?  Either way, I didn't move it.  And I didn't get punished.  I thought, well, I'll do it Tuesday and he won't notice.  Well, Tuesday I didn't do it either.  I thought for sure he knew then.  No punishment.  Wednesday I'm really feeling frustrated so now I'm downright testing how long until he notices?  And then Thursday morning he brings it up.  I said Bye, hun! I'll take care of it tonight! Love you!  And went to work.  He didn't bring it up all day.  But the guilt... was starting to eat at me.  I started understanding the full scope of testing him so early in this journey.  I got scared that it could undo all the confidence he has found in the recent weeks.  I couldn't live with myself. I immediately took care of it when I got home.  Thursday night I was gone all night for something, and Friday on his way home he asks, How does your bottom feel?  I said fine.  No problems.  He said well, enjoy it.  We'll talk tonight.  

GULP.  He has never done that.  I've never received a premeditated spanking from him before.  Not like this.  I was beyond scared.  He went on through the night like nothing was wrong, but my guilt and my fear was eating at me from the inside out.  After we put our daughter to bed, I was sitting on the couch, and he came and stood in front of me looking down.  I couldn't handle it.  I started crying.  He said why are you crying?  I said I meant to not move it.  I meant to see how long until you noticed and see what you'd do about it, but I feel horrible.  I should never have done it, and I'm sorry.  He said You meant to do that?  I said Yes.  I had a lot of time to move it, but I chose not to.  He told me he did not notice it until Thursday morning.  He said that's very childish and attention seeking.  Negative attention seeking.  I cried harder, because I knew he was right.  But I told him I wasn't really trying to get negative attention.  He said well whether or not you were trying to, you were.  

I sunk.  Here he is trying to be the HoH and I cut him down the first chance I get.  I expected him to fail.  He said, Well, I believe you're remorseful and you won't be doing that any more.  And he walked away.  I cried harder when he walked away.  Not getting punished for something I SHOULD have been punished for, felt horrible.  He came back a few minutes later and he said you're still crying?  He asked why.  I said guilt.  I feel horrible.  I should have never done it, and I am really sorry.  He said What do you need to take away your guilt?  I knew I should have told him I needed a spanking, and a bad one, but I was unable to form words.  He asked do you need a spanking?  I said yes.   He said not yet.  First, I'm going to show you how much I love you.  

That was so hard.  He loves me so much and I treated him like a failure.  It wasn't right.  When we were done, he said, ok.  how long were the clothes in the washer?  I said I think 3 days.  He said then you'll get 3 with the paddle (ping pong paddle..) I said no.  He said What?  I said I was a child.  I acted horribly and it needs to be worse.  He said what do I need?  I said how about a minute for every day?  He said 3 minutes?  I said yeah.  He said will you let the guilt go then?  I said yes.  So he had me bend over the bed.  I did my best to tell myself not to move, not to stop him, not to cry out, and to take it because I deserved it.  I did.  I did not cry out, I did not put my hands back and I did not jump or rub.  But I swear he was using full force for what seemed to be eternity.  (I know it wasn't, but this was my first real punishment more than a couple of taps.)  I didn't cry, but my bottom was bright red.  

This morning I had round 2.  Only this time, he pinched- everywhere.  (he likes this and knows how to make me really jump.) My bottom is still on fire.  I didn't think it could ever feel like this, but he told me my 3 minutes last night was really only about 2, though it was close to full force, combination paddle and hand.  Sitting here is pretty hard, so I'm ending this, but... lesson learned: Never, ever test him.  I don't like this feeling inside- not the pain, but the realization of what could have happened.  I'm so lucky he loves me enough to give me what I deserved.  
Today I've felt very loving, very obedient, and I'm happy.  :)  But I'm pushing my luck with the length of time I'm on EP, so I must go.  :)