Seeings Things Through Others

 

 

                                 A long time ago I started to write, I was only an adoscelent at the time, I was like 12 yrs old. I have found many things in writtings, but the most important reason I love to write is because in the back of my mind, I am hoping to reach a lost soul that feels alone, sucluded in what they are going through, or maybe just some way help others too see who they really are!!! I do not write for money and never would take an offer like that either, I love to write from within the deepest parts of my soul within side me, while at the same time I am realsing my demons that need to go away. Writting and music are passions too me, I see things that sometimes other people can see or feel or sense while others do not understand! I have realized so many things in this world for a young person yes, but there is yet for me too see a lot more, its scarry at times to think that really u never stop learnning or really growing inside urself, I use to be scared of openning up too others and showing who I really am, but now because of people like everyone here at EP has shown me a lot of things as I read there stories or get too know someone that then becomes a friend in my cicrcle!!! There are times I try too help others but do not know how, when that occurs I have realized that there is then something missing in my life that I am not able to help them because I need to help myself first, but then there are other times that I can help someone, wether its reading there stoires, listing too them vent or just talk in a private message, or just giving a gift or my ears too listen I put myself inside there shoes and just sometimes I can see through there soul's and heart's, there are times it brings back so many good memories in my life, then there are other times that I put myself in there shoes to see how they are feeling or what is on there mind that's bothering them. I am one who is known to place myself so far in there shoes that I can actually feel or sense there pain, and there are times that I see how people act and it reminds me of sometimes how self-centered I am and thinking that the world revolves around me, but then its people like this who teach me and show me in a unquie way, that the world isn't all about me, but how my actions, behaviors, or words are comming out of me plus it helps me grow in a very special way too always remember that I am truley blessed to be able to see a brighter side in life, it also helps me too realize how sweet life is and how wonderful people can be, if they just change the neagitive of themselves! I do not know how many times because I do not have enough fingers to count on, but there has been so many times in my life that here on EP I have seen some pretty negative things about myself, but its my circle of friends, who life my spirits up and sometimes they do not know it, but they do, and its makes me thing and ponder what can I do too change what I hate or dislike about myself, it makes me stop in my life's path and think what is the pro's of what I am doing wrong  or do not like about myself, and what are the cons of the same things, in the long u-haul I see a lot things that makes me change what I need to  change too be happy with myself, so too all my circle of friends who are in it or u wanna get too know me and be in my friend within my circle I ty so much, for the inspirtaions each and everyone of u which have had a part, in helping me speak what I need too speak, or just too talk about and post it so others might be able to understand, hlep me with something, or maybe that I can just be there for them!!

 

                      I remember a while back about two yrs ago; that a friend of mine, her daughter was being so self centered too her mother my friend, that I got too the point I need to write about it I saw myself in her daughter's shoes, as though I was my mother, who I am estranged to and do not get along with either, but all of that is my fault too be honest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My friends daughter was upset because her mother my friend, was trying too give her daughter advice which she ( her daughter needed in her life), but her daughter didn't wanna hear it and talked too her mom like **** and trash in a dumpster, just like I did all my life to my adopted mom when I was a young child, my friend almost had a heartattack, but she did in fact suffer 4 mini storkes, that reminded me so much of how I hurt my adopted mom, my mom almost had way too many heartattacks, nervous breakdowns, mental breakdowns, and strokes because of me, all because I was so self centered that I didn't wanna hear what my mom had to say too me her daughter which was best for me, and its my mom's job to be my mom not my friend then, all because of that I am the one too honeslty blame for having no realtionship with my mom, hell I cannot blame her! I know my adopted mom loves me and I love her but the damage has already been done, when I saw my friend in the hospital and the way her daughter was talking too her, as my friend was fighting for her life, I felt like I was in a mirror looking on the other side of my susation with my adopted mom, its really hurt but in the long u-haul it woke me up too see how much of a brat I was and how self centerned I was, and that all's I really cared about then was myself and not helping my mom too understand me and for me too listen too her, its truth that " mother's need to be mothers no matter how old there children are and give them direction", I am thankful that I still have my adopted mom even though we are estranged, because shorltey after my friend died, her daughter came too reality too late, I think and ponder that could've been my mom and me realizing too late and my mom would've been gone and I couldn't then repair the damge, but I am blessed too say " even though my mom and me are estranged that I still have that flicker of light and hope inside my heart, that maybe just because I cannot take back thoes dammaging things I had done, I can try to build a mother-daughter realtionship, with the greastest mom ever, that I could have been choosen by and loved by as her own"!!!!! I am blessed too say that I got another wake up call that I sincerenly needed from the Heaven's above!!

 

                                         I have been told by many people who are my friends and some closer than others, that I should be a writer! I ask myself why would I do that, that is like writting for money, I am NOT that way, I write from my heart and soul, like I said I write to help others wether they know me or not, I write because I love too its a passion, and one of the most important things I have realised in life is: " Some things we do in life that we love, do not require battiers or money, but to do it from within the deepest parts of ur heart and soul, to pour love around  u, and not be doing things that u love because u want money, eventually that money isn't gonna be there forever, but doing something that u love to do from the heart and soul, just too reach out too others is the greatest gift and feelings in the world, that is why I do NOT want money for what I do"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mysterygirlsky mysterygirlsky
26-30, F
3 Responses Mar 5, 2010

I'm so sorry to hear about ur friend. I hope she's doing better now, and hope her daughter has stopped treating her so badly . U noticed some resemblance between ur friend and her daughter, and ur mother and u. You are actively trying to grow as a person and heal the past between urself and ur mother. <br />
My two greatest passions have always been writing and music too. But I had kids, got divorced, and life just became too overwhelming to play music or write, so I haven't for many years.<br />
I've missed out on many great opportunities in my life because I've always put myself in other people's shoes, taken others' problems in, and been so concerned for their happiness that I forgot how to think about my own happiness as a person. I found out the hard way that I was taken advantage of by the very people I was so concerned about (who proved not to be concerned about me when I needed them to care. Finally, my own life became so horrible that I had no choice but to force myself to take a step back, and not let myself become consumed anymore by others.<br />
It's wonderful to want to help people and enjoy it. If you can perceive things about others, I can certainly relate to that gift. I guess the trick is how to balance ur innate sense to nurture others without letting anyone's problems wear u down, to the point that u can't take care of urself. <br />
The question u asked about whether the US should take care of itself before it takes care of other countries is basically the same thing. The US can't continue to help other countries indefinitely, while businesses close their doors, people lose their jobs and homes. I guess that's why I'm in the situation I'm in, and u remind me a lot of my younger self in this story. That's all I can say about this now, but I can relate to what ur saying. Thanks for sharing this about urself. Ur obviously a very kind, trusting person. I find this inspiring for me (I can relate, and do need to begin taking care of myself). I must stay strong to remain able to be at my optimum for my childen.

Well ty for ur supprt it means a lot too me, money dosen't mean anything too me, I like to write from my heart and soul!!

It is good that you realized to appreciate your mother before it was too late. Sometimes wake-up calls don't come soon enough and there are regrets. You would be a good writer. I think you would be good at writing about life. You can still have fun writing if you are a writer. You don't get payed a huge amount. It could be a great job if you get the hang of it. I also understand why you only want to write because you love it.