This Is A Weird One..

I've always got attached to exes and things like that, i think most people do when spending a lot of time with them, but recently I've started working at a dementia nursing home and at first i was ridiculously shy but now i find it so easy to talk to everyone in there, the problem is I've gotten to know a lot of the patients so well and i never found i was that attached till a couple of them died, i find it so terrifying. The way i see i see it is like having 50+ extra grandparents, i mean of course they could never replace the real ones, but i only have one real one left as it is! They really do feel like a little family and i absolutely adore my job until there's a loss and it makes me wish i never started it in the first place, but it's too late to quit because i'm already so far in! I don't fully understand dementia yet but i know it's heartbreaking, and terrifying for them, their words are twisted and some of them don't even know who they are, they get frustrated when they can't do what they used to because they don't understand it themselves, but some of the stories i hear from them make me realize how twisted the worlds gotten, they make me want to be a stronger and better person, but i feel weak in not being able to help them more.