Online Dating Advice For Men

The Don'ts and Do's of Internet dating

Don't #1 - Most sites have an "About You" section of the profile, usually at the top, in which you are expected to describe yourself. I can't tell you how many men use this section as an excuse to talk about how inadequate they are at self-description. "I'm really not that good at describing myself", "I'm terrible at talking about myself", "I never know what to say on these things". I think it's important to avoid talk like this. It wastes space and makes you sound like you're not self aware or self knowlegable. Skip the explanations and excuses and just fill it out to the best of your knowledge

Do - Use this opportunity to highlight any and all positive or interesting stuff about yourself. If you have trouble coming up with positive characteristics or talents, ask your friends and family to offer suggestions. Sometimes it's hard to see oneself objectively, so feel free to ask around. DO include any and all unique characteristics. Do you know how to juggle? Make an awesome lasagna? Do you like to play sports? Do you own pets? What kinds of subjects are you interested in? Make it as positive and interesting as possible :D

Don't #2 - Avoid ANY negative self talk whatsoever. Do NOT refer to yourself in negative terms i.e. "I have trouble meeting women", "I'm not very good at this", I've been out of the game for a while", "I'm out of shape" etc. Nothing is a bigger turn off than a guy who talks bad about himself. ALSO do NOT say anything negative about the site you're on. "I hate these internet dating sites", "I don't know what I'm doing here", "Do these things really work?" "I hate filling these things out" etc. You never know how invested the women who are viewing your profile are in internet dating, and by insulting the medium you're using, you often end up insulting the people utilizing it.

Don't # 3 - Emails. When emailing a possible date, avoid a lengthy message. You don't want to write three paragraphs about yourself to a total stranger. It's best to keep it short and sweet. Also avoid tired, boring emails like "Hey, What's up?" "How are you doing?" and "You're pretty. Want to chat?" Women see these kinds of emails 4 billion times a day and you won't stand out among the crowds Also, keep in mind that on your average site, women get 4 times more emails than men do, so if you don't get a lot of responses right away, don't lose hope. It's more a numbers game than anything else. The more people you contact, the more chance you'll get a response.

Do - carefully read a woman's profile. Keep an eye out for things she's interested in, the type of guy she says she likes, or anything unique that stands out. Use these details to your advantage in your first message. Say, she's super into going to the beach, You could say "Hey Beach Girl! Ever been surfing? I've always wanted to go but never have" OR say she's a movie buff? "what's your all time favorite movie?" a direct question that needs to be answered (and refers directly to something she really likes) can sometimes start a conversation in a way that a "Hey, what's up?" often fails to do.

IMing/Instant Messaging Don'ts - When instant messaging on a dating site, it's important to become comfortable with rejection. Women may not respond right away, or at all, and you'll just have to learn to be OK with that. On the upside, you don't have to approach anyone in person, so it's much less uncomfortable. If you message a woman, the same rules apply as in an email. Short, sweet and interesting. If she does not respond, DO NOT continue to contact her. Just let well enough alone and assume she's not interested. You'd be surprised by the number of men who've IM'ed me, then, when I didn't respond, continued to do so. Just let it go.

Picture Don'ts - Even if you're super attractive, make sure to put up more than one picture. I think three or four are ideal. Don't make the mistake of taking one, carefully lit, perfectly angled shot of yourself looking your absolute best. Instead, include several pictures, from different angles, in different settings. DON'T use three or four camera-phone, self-taken shots of you wearing the same shirt. Variety is the spice of life and it's also proof of having one.

Picture Dos - DO include pictures of you in varied settings, doing different things. If possible, pictures that a friend took (whether posed or candid). If you don't have any pics of you, have a friend or family member take a few nice ones. I like these little "photo shoots" since it allows you to take lots of pics and choose the best in the batch. Make sure though to change clothes and locations so as not to look to fake.

Research shows that women react most positively to a man looking away from the camera without smiling. Next less positively to him looking away but smiling. Third less positively to looking into the camera but not smiling and least positively to a man looking directly into the camera and smiling. Go figure. I think aloofness counts for something

Women: Men seem to go for the looking-up-into-the-camera-phone-making-a-cute-face shot. Who knew?

If anyone wants specific advice, feel free to copy/paste and email me your dating profile, and I'd be happy to give you some helpful hints. Good luck out there! :D
Fayerweather Fayerweather
36-40, F
Dec 4, 2012