High Status

In previous stories, I've detailed some of the techniques and the Dos and Don'ts of dating, both on the internet and in person, but I don't think, I've adequately covered the main concept behind why these techniques work. Status.

Social status is VERY VERY important to attractive women when considering which man to date or become involved with. Women love to increase and improve our social status. We are social creatures that love to congregate together and gossip, share ideas and stories and basically feel like we are a valuable or important member of a social group. This may harken back to pre-history, when we all lived in nomadic tribes in which being accepted and included meant the difference between life and death, between warmth and food or isolation in the wilds. Either way, men typically like to stand out as leaders, as badasses, as macho men who excell above their companions, and women typically like to fit in. Every eighties teen movie can attest to this. The girl strives to match her hair, make up and social skills to the popular girls around her, while the boy dons his leather jacket, hops on his motor cycle and plays it cool as the "badass lone wolf" character.

This is not to say that you shouldn't develop an active social life and have a lot of friends... It's more to serve as an explanation of the general anatomy of status when it comes to dating.

Looks are far less important to women than status. And, as I'll detail in this article, body language and behavior will trump looks, money or a fast car any day. Men tend to put looks near the top of the list when it comes to dating women. A guy would rather be seen with a model who's not all that smart or who's awkward socially than he would with an unattractive girl who's smart and funny. Women are the opposite. They would much rather be seen with a bald, overweight older guy who's smooth, funny, creative, sexy and sure of himself than with a good looking moron.

So, now that I've established a little more of the mechanics of status, I wanted to give some advice on what promotes it and what damages it:

Trading Status For Approval - (this is a concept explored by many dating coaches, particularly David DeAngelo). Many men make the mistake of trading status for approval. They will bend over backwards to try to please a woman (to gain her approval) rather than do or say anything that might **** her off, but that would simultaneously raise their status. Ironically, saying "No" to a woman is a much more effective way to create attraction than always saying "yes". This is why so many "********" end up dating hot chicks. It's because they are self assured and they don't strive to please their girlfriends all the time. Unfortunately, they also cheat on women, stand them up and let them down. I'm not promoting ******* behavior, but I AM promoting strength and good boundaries.

There are some simple ways to practice this behavior (some of which I've already talked about in previous installments)

1. Lean back. Always lean away from a woman when sitting across from her. NEVER adopt the "lean in supporting head in hands as you gaze lovingly into her eyes" pose. That is HER job, not yours. The more you casually lean back, the more a woman will lean towards you/worry if you are dissatisfied or bored and seek to engage you.

2. Do NOT appologize for ANYTHING. The words "I'm Sorry" are a sure fire way to make a woman feel as if she's intitled to be angry and therefor will make her angrier. If you screw up big time (forget her birthday or accidentally conk her on the head really hard etc) there are ways to make amends without give up your status by appologizing. Email me for more examples.

3. Do NOT give a woman money. You may loan it to her, or buy her dinner if you're going out, but just flat out giving her cash is never a good idea. Also, don't make the mistake of offering to handle her problems (offering to give her rides, help her move, open a jar for her etc). Let her ask YOU, and then say "No" at first. When she complains, ask her "what do I get out of it?" And see what she says. Email me for more details. It can get pretty fun :D
Fayerweather Fayerweather
36-40, F
3 Responses Jan 10, 2013

Some of that advice also applies to things other than dating... but... still.. spot on.

Exactly. I learned a lot about emotional development from studying dating and pick up gurus. It applies to humans

Thank you! Feedback is always welcome :D

Great advice you mention!