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Is He Is Or Is He Ain't?

So...I was up until 5am this moring helping a friend with an issue. She's been living with a guy for about a year now and she's 9 months pregnant. They haven't known each other very long and it's very obvious it's not L-O-V-E.

Anywho...she comes to me and says she wants my take on something. Not long ago her man told her that he used to work in a gay bar and had gotten head from "a guy". Of course she defends him and says she believes he's "straight"...BUT....

Now he has the gay friend that he met in a class he's taking and they've started haning out. So the first night he goes over to his friend's house for a "get together" with a few people he ends up getting really trashed and not getting home until 4am.
She thinks nothing of this because she trusts her fella. Well, she wasn't supposed to be home from work until midnight but she comes home around 10pm. By midnight he hasn't shown up and she starts calling trying to find him. By 2am she's called the hospitals, they guy's mom, everybody she can think of.

When he rolls in at 4am he sees how upset she is and tried to explain. He says that he "confessed" to his gay friend that he'd had oral sex with a man before...blah...blah...blah, and starts to cry. He never comes right out and says that he and his gay friend engaged in any kind of sexual activity BUT the crying part kind of gave it away.

Her question to me was did I think anything went on and if it did was it just a drunken thing or did I think it would continue. Well, being the honest guy I am, I had to tell here that he's struggling with his sexuality and sooner or later he's going to come out to her as gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that. heehee

She, of course, tries to defend him again and so I said "Look. There's one really good indicator that he's either gay or strongly bi." To which she asks "What would that be?" To whic I replied "HE WORKED IN A GAY BAR! Straight guys don't work in gay bars and get head from the customers! Bi guys and gay guys do. Straight guys don't."

So my answer to her question was/is: Yes. He had a tryst with his "gay friend" and yes, it will happen again if it's not already. She's not torn up about this because she herself is very bi, almost to the point of being a flat out lesbian. All she wants is to be sure so she knows where she stands.

There are many more details to this story that add credence to my assertion that he's gay; not just the fact that he worked in a gay bar and got head from some dude (he never said how many times which leads me to believe that it was an ongoing thing and possibly even a relationship...sort of...maybe).

So...is he is or is he ain't?  I say yea. What say you?
seeker25801 seeker25801 41-45, M 10 Responses Apr 17, 2007

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Yes, he is gay or definitely bi. If she is bi, why in the hell is she hanging around with fella and allowed herself to become pregnant? Tell her to get the heck out of the relationship, give her baby up for adoption to a certified adoption agency; and move on with her life.

of course he is and she better not have any sexual contact my sister's husband came down with aids and still says he's not gay she is still getting tested every six months i hate that men don't fess up until there are babies and women's lives are ruined i know it's partly society's fault but there is individual responsibility too

Well...Now they have a child together. I'm curious to see how it all turns out. I hope it turns out well for the child's sake.

GAY GAY GAY!!! No doubt - he is a big queer!

I think that sexuality is a more complicated issue that commonly used terms let us talk about. That said, I think you're spot-on - there is no doubt that her man is not "straight". Odd situation though. I guess the complicated bit is what sort of relationship the two of them want!

Why are women always looking for absolute certainty. The answer is right in front of her. But hey, I hope everything for your friend goes well.

must be - bi at least. but oh yeah - he likes the boys!

I think you hit the nail on the head. (no pun intended ... ) He's gay. Like you stated, "Straight guys don't work in gay bars and get head from the customers! Bi guys and gay guys do. Straight guys don't." .... Did someone paint gulliable on her ceiling? *looks around*

Of course he is. Just they gay bar thing is a dead give away. No strait guy would ever even want to walk into a gay bar if unless he was a little bi. Guys can joke around but when it comes to the point that he wants to be in a situation where other guys want to have sex with each other then he must be a little gay too.

He is.