Feeling Left Out
i feel like i have no one i can trust no one i can actually talk to at alli am in a relationship with a man i utterly die for would do anything for him but i feel as though i am giving everything and yet i am being left out and alone when he has stuff to do we dont really make any big plans, dont really go out to the pub or anything all the joys of being out in the evenings is done when he is at gigs and majority of the time i am at home because he wants his lads time. i am not a nasty person, i understand lads time but i feel like i am not getting what i think is a couple relationshoip maybe i was kidding myself thinking that we would be because of his selfishness.... i have understanding about his work and stuff and his time yeah but where do i fit in when do i have fun with him and socialise with him and other humans beings? i dont get to show off with him at all at gigs cos its his work he never really wants to be around me when we are out in gigs and stuff. when we are at home he is lovely but outside with other men and women who have known us for years he doesnt want to know me at all. he seems to think that because we live together people dont wanna see us happy. is this really what my life is going to be like from now on waiting for him to finish with what he wants to do and i fit in? can i do this for the rest of my life? i should be happy and he should make me want to be happy right? then if that is the case why do i love him but yet he doesnt wanna show me off is he embarrassed by me or something? i put up with everything he throws at me, and try to be the way he wants to be but when i question something i am sent straight into the dog house as though i am controlling him when surely i am just wanting him to wake up and smell the coffee that he is with such a lovely, nuturing person and is getting hurt once rejected for wanting to show it. i have just realised that i havent actually got anyone i can really shout all my feelings out to without him or me being judged. just feel as though i have no one, no one at all not even him now because he seems to think i want all the attention all the time but yet i give him all mine all the time. i just dont see how anyone can really see the full picture of what actually happens i feel like i am trapped in this bubble of love and sometimes i cant see anyway out! i love him so much but yet he can turn to this selfish mean person i dont like to see. i just dont see us lasting much longer because of his selfish ways i feel like a bit of a joke to him like he thinks i wanna be attached to his arse but i dont i just wanna be a normal couple is that too much to ask?
jessfoulds 22-25 2 Responses 0 Jul 14, 2009