How Can I Be Happy Again?
I have been dealing with depression
for the past thirteen years. I can't even remember the exact day but it all started when I was seven years old. My mom was not really with my dad anymore and she met someone new. I didn't of it that much because I wasn't used to that change. A couple of years later, I was at my grandmother's house, looking for something to draw. I looked on top of her grand piano and I found a naked picture of my mom's boyfriend. I was pretty upset when I saw the picture; even though I was a child I knew what this was and how this could affect me later on in life. I meant to add a detail about this story (before my mom met her boyfriend, she didn't yell at me but as soon as they got together everything blew up in my face). I wanted to tell my mom was I found but I was afraid that she was going to yell at me but in a more aggressive way than usual. I will say this, I lost respect for both of them that day and I haven't been able to at them the same way. Not only did they hurt me but they disrespected my grandmother; I don't know if she saw the picture but I would not be surprised if she did. Eleven years has passed and I am still holding this secret from my mom. Since then, she has gotten worse when she speaks to me. To her, I am always sad and I am not moving fast enough for her. You know I am sad and she is the reason why I am sad because of the way she has treated me over the years. She gives her boyfriend (now husband) more attention but whenever I am sick, she will give me attention but sometimes it is the wrong kind of attention. I really don't have anyone to talk to since my grandmother passed away a few years ago. I was so close to her that she considered me to be her daughter. I miss her physically but I can feel her spirit around me. I can't connect with other people like I used to. How can I be happy again when my mom gives me a hard time and criticizes every little thing that I do. I can't breathe or sleep peacefully without the negative thoughts, that my mom tells me, racing through my head. I want to be happy but HOW?