Then One Day I Realized...

That I was never as miserable as when I was involved with some guy, trying to please him when there was no pleasing him, trying to make some cold fish show me some kindness, dealing with cheaters, users, addicts, abusers---hell with it! When I made that decision, I was free! That was 10 years ago and I've never regretted it. People try to talk me into changing my mind but it ain't gonna happen. I don't need that mess in my life.

lilystrange lilystrange
46-50, F
15 Responses Feb 11, 2009

I'm done with love too. I'm only 22, but enough is enough and I'm tired. I realize, that there's more to life than just love. There's traveling, there's school, there's friends, there's family members, there's hobbies to enjoy, there's nature to see, there's music to hear, there's religious groups to explore, and everything in between. There's a whole wide world out there with so many different experiences to try that has nothing to do with love, and we shouldn't waste our lives crying over something as stupid as relationships.

honestly, what you said is true. I m so tired of all the frustrations, mind games and uncertainties. Loosing in love hurts each and every time. but dont you envy the "some" who've found "the one"? Is it alright to give up knowing there could be more?
Or is it just the fear within me or each of us getting hurt again, the one talking?

Thank you for your post. I only "realized" very recently but now I know and it helps so much to read that you realized 10 years ago and have never regretted giving up on love. I think so many people would be much happier if they quit fighting it and forcing it and realized that this thing is just not going to happen for most of us. Even though your post was short I can tell that your story is probably a lot like mine. Never as miserable as when I was trying to please some guy who was never going to be pleased. Dealing with dope addicts, sex addicts just trying to hold on to something that I thought I wanted. I am ready to fall into something that has a chance at turning out to be a hell of a lot more productive and rewarding than "love"

you've probably had better company out of women than we've had from the men we've known. not saying that the company wasn't good enough but when it doesn't lead to more or work out the way you'd like, you get tired.

Trials......Yep. I've been tried and found GUILTY!<br />
A life without the company of women? No way!

You're not a dope, you just haven't reached that state of hopelessness that a handful of people feel.<br />
You still have that 'hope' - even if it's temporary. And that's fine, everyone is unique. Some people just give up because they've had enough and they don't want to go through the trials anymore, that's all.

you sound like the kind of man i wish i'd met years ago. maybe someone like you would have given me a totally different mindset.

Like SRV says "Ain't gonna give up on love". Been down the same road you Ladies have. Cheaters, alcoholics, drug abuse, I've lost homes, possessions, even my first born son. But what else is there to live for? Stuff? Endless days of work and TV? Maybe for some but not for me. I live for that spark, that magic, even though I know it may not, probably won't last. Did you ever hear some live music that just made you soar? Made you feel more than yourself and maybe part of something more? I think love is kind of like that music. It will only be exactly that way once, and it may not last forever, but it's wonderful while it does.<br />
Guess I'm either a romantic or some kind of dope, eh?

I'll never be "ok" with it. I tried for about 2-3 years to feel "fine" being single and to force myself to "enjoy" it. I was totally lying to myself, like convincing myself that liver tastes good just because it's good for me.<br />
<br />
That doesn't mean I still want to fall in love - no, I'm done with that. But I'm still not 'ok'. There's a difference with feeling at peace with your choice and not having any other choice (that doesn't always lead to feeling ok).

for the most part, i'm ok with it but not totally, i can't lie. like you, i ran out of steam after many years of disappointments. it didn't happen overnight. i've met someone who has given me a renewed sense of hope but old habits die hard, old mindsets just don't go away magically.

Jerrica you make it sound so easy as if you are at peace with it.<br />
I don't think I'll ever feel 'fine' with my choice. It's because I have no other choice. It's not as if I woke up one day and said 'I don't think I'll hope for love anymore'. It's because I've run out of steam, energy and I'm tired of being rejected all the time. I haven't seen a glimpse of hope in any of my experiences. I think to myself, if it's gonna be this 'odd' in my dating life, how much worse will my marriage life be??

i know how u feel stories. after all the tricks, jumping through hoops, etc u just get tired. putting forth so much effort and not getting anywhere, why bother?

I've totally given up. Even if a guy comes on his knees with a ring, I'm not going to marry him.<br />
It's not because I don't want to get married, it's because I'm sick and tired of the outcomes.<br />
I'm 29 and I have wanted marriage pretty much always (most girls do, right?)<br />
I have prayed seriously for marriage since the age of 25. I have gone through all the tricks, including looking for it and NOT looking for it. I have tried dating nice guys who are not good looking. I have tried dating desperate guys. I have tried dating good looking guys who are not that desperate.<br />
<br />
I've had guys tell me they hate me, I've had guys tell me they want to marry me. I have played cool and hard to get I have played friendly and warm.<br />
<br />
All my experiences have led to a big fat ZERO rejection and I'm sick and tired.<br />
<br />
I'm thinking to myself, if I have this much trouble with dating, how much harder is it gonna be when I get married? How am I going to deal with cheating? Divorce? Coldness??

god, your story sounds so much like mine! wasted so much time with so many losers that 7 yrs ago i just decided to chuck it all. true, i get lonely at times, but when i think about all the drama, bs and hurt feelings i experienced, i don't feel so lonely anymore and i sure don't miss it.

you know just about the time you truly stop looking is when you find that one special someone and they find you.<br />
Have you truly stopped looking?