No More - I Quit, Seriously

Here is the story:

Don't try to convince me "it's not too late" and "it happens when you least expect it".

I had my first boyfriend at the age of 16.  He was wrong for me in every way possible but I was young and didn't see it.  We got engaged to be married when I was 20.  I became a Christian at the age of 21 and right away I felt he was not the right guy for me.  When I tried breaking up with him, he resorted to hitting me and/or controlling me.  We finally broke up officially at the age of 23.

From 23-24 I was a bit 'wild' because I didn't get to do it when I was a teenager.  I had casual sex (I was not practicing Christianity at the time - obviously).  I slept with guys, smoke, drank and experimented with drugs.

I started taking piano lessons as an outlet and it helped me a bit with my emotions and anger.  Just before the age of 24 I was molested by my older piano teacher.  He forced me to give him oral sex.  This was a big blow for me because I trusted him and he was married!

It did lead to something positive because I decided to give up casual sex, not give it away so easily.  At the age of 24 I was really good friends with a guy who had a girlfriend.  I was opening up to him through emails about everything that I was going through.  At the age of 25 we started hanging out and we became affectionate (shame on us!).  We felt a strong chemistry, or perhaps only I felt it, because he called me up one day and said he never wants to see me again.

After the age of 25, I dated a few guys but they didn't lead to anything permanent.  At this time, I went back to Christianity.  I prayed and read my Bible daily and went to Church twice (sometimes three) times a week.  

I kept feeling as if God wants me to remain single.  This idea did not make me happy one bit.  I wanted to get married, have a family, have SEX.  

I dated a handful of guys during this period but they didn't lead to anything permanent.  The reason it didn't lead to anything permanent is because of a combination of them not being interested and me always hesitant with the nagging feeling that God doesn't want me to have a partner.

Just before the age of 29 I decided to find a partner.  I prayed to God and told Him, "I don't like being single" and felt he told me "I will help you".  I met a guy through a Christian dating site about six months later.  Right away this guy started telling me I am the "one" and that he wants something permanent with me.  I didn't allow myself to fall in love right away "just in case".

He spoke about marriage, children, settling down.  He met my parents and I met his parents.  After I met his parents, I started to allow myself to fall in love with him.  My emotions opened up.

And then he stopped calling.  I didn't hear from him for an entire week.  

Finally, I called him early one morning so I knew I would catch him at home.  He picked up the phone groggily and basically told me the relationship is OVER with NO room for compromise. 

When I told him not to mislead a nice girl ever again by telling her "I love you" "you are the one" he hung up on my face.

I've given up.  I gave it one last try and I'm not trying again.  

I've tried everything under the sun:

1. Having sex right away

2. Not having sex right away

3. Playing hard to get

4. Playing easy to get

5. Playing a combination of hard to get and easy to get

6. Not looking for it, hoping 'serendipity' will take care of it

7. Looking for it

8. Loving myself

9. Loving others

10. A combination of loving myself and others

11.  Dating nice guys who are not good looking

12. Dating good looking guys who are not nice

13. Focusing on myself

14. Focusing on others

15. Focusing on myself and others.

 

There is nothing that I should "try" that I haven't "tried".  People used to say, "don't try" and I did that for about 4 years and dated about 3-4 guys during that time, the most 6 weeks at a time.

People would say, 'go out there and look for it'.  I have done that, I found a guy who appeared interested to only drop me like a hot potato.

People will say, 'learn to love yourself'.  I have tried that through Christianity and Jesus, yes it makes me feel better, but no it doesn't lead to a relationship.

It's very obvious that God does not want me to get married.  I do not feel happy or peaceful about it, it just feels that is what He wants.  I used to want marriage but now I've totally given up.  Just because I've given up does not mean I'm happy about it.  I just don't like the idea of being rejected all the time, trying, finding something and then having it blow up in smoke.  

I'm thinking to myself, if I have this much trouble dating, what will happen if I get married?  The guy might start cheating on me??  Then what?  It's obviously not meant to be and I'm not going through the trouble of training for a race and failing year after year after year.

 

stories4234 stories4234
31-35, F
10 Responses Mar 6, 2009

I don't want to say anything generic or the usual "love will find a way" drivel, because it's bullshit and untrue, so all I will say is...well...I'm sorry it's so hard for you and I wish you all the luck in the world to find happiness again. I feel your pain :'(

yes, i feel the same way, i've tried EVERYTHING just as you stated and nothing ever comes of it. makes me feel inadequate.. i know its not right to think this way, but i do feel like god doesn't have love, marriage etc in store for me..and it hurts because i want it so badly. why have i been selected to this lonely fate.. what makes me soo bad? ugh and even if it were possible for me to find someone.. i just moved to this small town, im not working, im home all of the time.. and when i do go out its with guys i've met online.. and nothing really ever comes of it.. i will be moving in a few years to a larger city, but hey, im 42 and before you know it i'll be 50 and well.. my chances then will be less favorable. im heartbroken for my unfulfilled love life. there's an actual pain in my chest when i think about giving up on ever being loved. well, im gonna move on with my day and put my happy face back on.. glad i have this site to reveal my true feelings on this subject. thanks for reading.

I feel like I'd already given up. I rather have a girl with Aspergers since I have Aspergers too

--. The time you went to Christianity was the best part. :) The Bible says, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:33.<br />
If you have faith on God, you won't be worried about your future especially on your love life. If you just seek God FIRST, ALL things will be given. God loves you so much. He won't forsake you. God bless! :)

Christianity does not help or hurt this situation as she pointed out, and as I have noticed. I don´t claim to have the solution, but Christianity does not help, nor is it to blame for those of us who will go through this life without finding a match...

I too can check off most of the list above. <br />
<br />
I'm a very kind and caring person, I'm blonde and very attractive. I've been used, abused and treated like I'm only here to serve a purpose to men. I was thrown away or treated like rubbish when I was deemed not be useful anymore. <br />
<br />
I'm 42, single and have nothing due to my choices in "love". I'm over it. No more clinging to hope of love. It's mean and cruel and has never offered enough good versus bad. Think I'll just concentrate on something else and ignore it completely... treat it like a con man offering nothing but lies, deception and heartache. Which is exactly what it is.

My story is different because I am from a different country. I always find partner wants last with me forever. but no one of them was accepted by my family. who fit with my family , I didn't like them and vice versa . I want give up because no way I find someone work with my and my family standards :S :'(<br />
<br />
anyway dear , I found this good article for you :<br />
http://www.alovelinksplus.com/advice/rinatta_paries/what-to-give-up-to-attract-love.htm<br />
<br />
from my experience do not use dating sites to find your Mr. right. enjoy your life , work on your favorite things. if you like learn more in computer , sport , languages, .. etc<br />
<br />
you will find your partner when you are totally busy in your own interested life and when you find someone good do not take the first step. men are very bad creature as much you ignore him at the beginning as much he likes to be with you :D. I am expert on this<br />
<br />
I pray for you to have your Mr. right. you will not be alone.

I can really relate to your story! I also get a feeling that God has intended for me to be single.<br />
I have had a lot of experiences similar to yours throughout my life.<br />
Hang in there and just enjoy your life as best as you can. Quite frankly, I feel as tho I'm better off without any men in my llfe to complicate things.

The reason that I like reading a story that is almost identical to my situation is because IT MAKES ME FEEL LESS ALONE IN MY SUFFERING. It tells me that someone else UNDERSTANDS WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH.

I just need to tell you that your feelings and experiences are more similar to mine than ANY OTHER STORY ON THIS ENTIRE SITE. I feel exactly the same way: that I've tried everything, and that I was meant to be single even though I absolutely don't want to be single. I don't know what else to say, except thank you for letting me know that there is at least one more person in this world that is suffering the same fate that I am.

Wow. I understand you giving up on love, really. There are times when I feel like that too, completely. Just...not...to have to think about it anymore. :p It takes up a lot of time causes so many problems and well, is it worth it in the end? <br />
<br />
I am so sorry to hear about your bad experiences. Those are like mental torture. And you must be very strong to make it past them!<br />
<br />
<br />
Ironically though with love, I think that if love supposed to happen it will. And no I don't mean by "only" by chance. You have to intend and want it to happen too. <br />
<br />
I think though, that God would want what brings glory to him. Marriage or not, both can bring glory to him.Just my thoughts...whatever they are worth. <br />
<br />
<br />
Don't give up hope entirely. Somethings are not seen now, but that doesnt make them any less real.