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Gave Up And Went Shopping

after all the insults and embarrassment and humiliations after katy bashed me for rick I gave up... I felt so defeated and my marks at university suffered so badly - I would sit in my room or in the toilets at the university law block and cry my heart and soul out - then come out and not a soul knew my personal struggles and inner pain, I must have had a few mini heart attacks and the chest pain was so bad...

I felt like I had to give up on men - I felt so below them not completed my studies and not having a job at that time. and joyce kept reminding me he probably came from money and therefore would not want the likes of me.

I did the rsl girl in a million quest and it was fun - I really enjoyed the baby shows so much the adorable children - just like the way I loved cleaning the little Asian kids rooms at the hotel, when I worked at the hotel in between study.


but it was during the 2000 year I met ken carey on the HMS Melville in Brisbane and he date raped me. I didn't give up but I tried to keep going at college and keeping the weight off. but I have to admit when things didn't fall into place I gave up on myself...

jobs weren't coming my way and I was desperate to prove myself in the legal world. I knew I could get ahead at uni if I had some help occasionally, and I needed the money.

I gave up again and went shopping - shopped and shopped for ten years straight ... and I have a mess.

the only difference to when I gave up in 1996 was that there was no support group to turn to. I miss support group so much.

we used to meet in the community centre kindergarden and at the church .... for our meetings and I really miss that so much!
czaristacrystals czaristacrystals 36-40, F Apr 15, 2011

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