From Negative To Positive, How Should I Communicate?

Married for 12 yrs...
Wife... wanna go smoke babe?
Husb... Sure.
~both sit on bed for 10 min or so watching TV
Husb... Ready?
Wife... Ya, let's go.
~ sit on bed for another 5 min. (The sitting for a bit is completely normal and routine for us)
~ wife gets up to pee and wash face while waiting for husband.
~ husband goes outside to smoke... wife unaware.
~ wife looks for husband to see if he is really ready now.
~ husband is already outside, she now notices.
~ wife goes outside. Husb is done with about half his smoke.
Wife... Oh! Your already out here, why didn't you say something?
Husb... I did.
Wife... While I was in the bathroom?
Husb... No, back in the bedroom.
Wife... Ok, I was just expecting you to maybe say, "k I'll be out there" like you've done the last 12 yrs..
~This "courtesy" has been extended both by wife and husband for whole marriage
Wife... If I was out here, smoke half gone I would at least opened the door to yell, are you coming?
Husb... Are you saying I wasn't thinking about you?
Wife... Not at all, Why do you always think I'm thinking negatively against you?
Husb... K, from now on I'll just follow you!
Wife... Not what I meant, and not what i want, I was just used to it one way forever now, sorry I will know in the future not to expect it.
Husb... *sarcastically* greaaaat.... Just have no expectations...
Wife... You tell me that I need to keep my expectations and then get defensive at a simple conversational seemingly normal "expectation"
I don't know what to think and don't know what I can say or ask with out you thinking in a negative light about me.
Husb... Well you just said I wasn't thinking about you.
Wife... I have no clue how you came to that conclusion.
*and round and round we go*
Our sex life is great, we have a good time together. It's when little things that should be said and done go on forever and I don't know how to stop it except to have NO general expectations for anything, he is generally not an ***. But whenever I question ANYTHING, just like my comment. Oh! You're already out here, why didn't you say something? It all gets blown out of proportion and I don't understand. This has only been happening the last year or so that I've noticed. He has strait up told me that he views me negatively and I don't know how to turn this around. It feels like I can't say what's on my mind without the defenses shooting out of his ears. PLEASE NOTE: I understand this seems completely ridiculous, please try to understand that this is how it is with any conversation regarding anything with how I feel, he thinks I'm always thinking negatively about him. I hope I've communicated this properly. Any advice well be greatly appreciated.
Sporshh Sporshh
26-30, F
May 18, 2012